Charmed: The Other Way Around ::: The Drama
by PrueTrudeau
Summary: Prue was given up at birth. She doesn’t know about the Halliwells. Now that Prue knows some of her family, how will things go on? What happens when you think your life is perfect and in a split of a second everything is thrown off...? 2nd part of trilogy
1. Chapter 1

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 01:**  
_**Introduction  
**

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**Disclaimer:   
**_I don't own charmed and its characters Prue, Piper, Phoebe, Paige, Patty, Penny, Sam, Victor, Andy, Leo, Darryl and Co. However I own this story and its content. Some situations are written out of character due to changes on the past of the original storyline of charmed._

**Recap of The Prequel:  
**_It wasn't Paige who was given up at birth, but Prue, the off-spring of Patricia Halliwell and Victor Bennett. They were only teenagers when Prue was conceived and Patty never wanted her. She and Victor had already split when she found out. He was against giving Prue up, but Patty never changed her mind and did it against his will and knowledge. Growing up they loose touch with one another as Patty gets involved with Sam, her whitelighter, and Victor finds love in a woman called Claire as well. Their lives separate, but as it is shown, neither parent ever forgot about Prue. This is the story of Prue's life. Will she be reunited with her parents? With her siblings? Future will tell..._

**Content:**

_Now that Prue has met members of her biological family, how will things go on? She by now has a family and is part of her own little family. Victor and his wife Claire are her parents. With the marriage to Andy she is part of the Trudeau's now as well. And with a newly wed husband and an unborn child she is to face the creation of a new family tree. But will she also accept and connect to her roots and the part of her past she always hated and also really doesn't care about? Will she realize or better accept the fact she has a step father, a mother, a grandmother and adding to all of that three half-sisters? How will the relationship between mother and daughter be? What will happen to the friendship between Prue and Piper? between Abbey and Prue? between Abbey and Piper?! What happens when you think your life is perfect and in a split of a second everything is thrown off by destinies weird sense of humour...? _

**Rating:  
**_The story is rated T for all the little ugly things that happened to Prue in her time in foster homes. I'm gonna deal with adult content such as cutting and sexual encounters, but these sections always are declared as such, so people can choose whether they want to read these things or not. Otherwise the girls are teenagers and young adults and naturally the appropriate language will be chosen like that._

**Style:  
**_The story travels through Prue's life. She tells the story of her life from a certain point in time and a very difficult situation she has suffered at that time. We only stop at important days and events in her life. There will be time jumps, so just look at the year and Season of the year, for orientation. There is also going to be some third person telling, the reason for this, will be becoming clear as we near the end of this part of the trilogy. Whenever 'present' Prue is telling her story I however set the text into bold._

**Characters:  
Penelope (Penny) Halliwell – 23rd June 1937  
**_ -__mother of Patty, mother in law of Sam  
-__grandmother of Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige  
-__powers: Telekinesis_

_---_

**Victor (Vic) Bennett – 24th September 1960  
**_-__married to Claire  
-__father of Prue  
-__powers: mortal, no powers_

**Claire Bennett, born McLeod – 30th January 1969  
**_-__Married to Victor  
-__adopted Prue  
-__powers: mortal, no powers_

**Patricia (Patty) Wilder, born Halliwell – 5th April 1960  
**_-__daughter of Penny and Allan  
-__married to Sam  
-__mother of Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige  
-__powers: temporal stasis_

**Samuel (Sam) wilder – 22nd June 1835  
**_-__married to Patty  
-__father of Piper, Phoebe and Paige  
-__died in 1880  
-__powers: whitelighter powers, include orbing, healing, thermo-dynamics (warming and cooling), sensing, cloaking_

**Richard Trudeau – 27th May 1953  
**_-__married to Julia  
-__father of Andy and Abby  
-__powers: mortal, no powers_

**Julia Trudeau – 23rd July 1955  
**_-__married to Richard  
-__mother of Andy and Abby  
-__powers: mortal, no powers_

_---_

**Pruedence (Prue) Trudeau, born Bennett – 28th October 1977  
**_-__daughter of Victor and Patty  
-__adoptive daughter of Claire  
-__half sister to Piper, phoebe and Paige  
-__powers: bound, telekinesis and astral projection_

**Andrew (Andy) Trudeau – 26th July 1977  
**_-__son of Richard and Julia  
-__brother to Abby  
-__powers: mortal, no powers_

**Abigail (Abby) Trudeau – 12th February 1988  
**_-__daughter of Richard and Julia  
-__sisters to Andy  
-__best friend to Piper  
-__powers: mortal, no powers_

**Piper (Pipe) Wilder – 7th March 1988  
**_-__daughter of Patty and Sam  
-__sister to Phoebe and Paige, half sister to Prue  
-__best friend to Susan  
-powers: molecular inhabitation and combustion (she can slow down molecules (which is freezing when it's done completely) and accelerate molecules (in complete form it's exploding) but in the same flick of the wrist she also can reconstitute what she has once exploded), orbing, healing, thermo-dynamics (warming and cooling), sensing, cloaking_

**Phoebe (Pheebs) Wilder – 2nd November 1990  
**_-__daughter of Patty and Sam  
-__sister to Piper and Paige, half sister to Prue  
-__powers: premonitions, she also can envision to others (she creates a ball of light which shows what she sees), floating – not mastered into levitating yet, orbing, healing, thermo-dynamics (warming and cooling), sensing, cloaking_

**Paige Wilder – 2nd August 1992  
**_-__daughter of Patty and Sam  
-__sister to Piper and Phoebe, half sister to Prue  
-__powers: tele-orbing, can get things alive (like some character of TV or a book), orbing, healing, thermo-dynamics (warming and cooling), sensing, cloaking_

_---_

**_Roxanne Trudeau – 23rd June 2002_**

_- daughter of Prue and Andy_

_- granddaughter of Julia, Richard, Victor, Claire, Patty and Sam_

_- powers: premonitions, premo-kinesis (she can connect her powers with Prue's through their strong mother-daughter connection and like that get thoughts, pictures, memories and others from one's brain to another, kinda like brain reading and sharing)_


	2. Late Autumn 2002 Part 2

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 02:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 2**

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_**Previously on the other way around:**_

**I told you already about the freaky stuff, but what happened as the door to Piper's home flew open and I for the first time saw her mother is nothing compared to that. I immediately felt comfortable about her. I felt like I knew her form somewhere. It was like, it was right there in my mind, but the access to that file was denied. **

"Hey, I'm... Andy's wife... I'd like to pick up Abbey..."

"Ooh... you're that? Piper has told me so much about you already. I'm Patricia Wilder. Everyone calls me Patty..." **She told me and grabbed for my hand. **

**----------------------------------------**

**I froze at the touch. Images flashed through my mind. I didn't have the slightest idea what they were off or why I could remember them. All the images were of the exact same woman standing in front of me. Younger... pregnant! Screaming. Crying. A baby's cry. **

**I immediately put my free hand to my head**

"Are you okay?" **she asked worriedly, placing a hand on my waist, to back me up. **

**I tried to catch my breath again as I, by accident, looked up and into her eyes. I gasped for air, suddenly realizing what this was. This was the woman on my picture. The one dad gave me for my birthday. The one of him and... No! This was impossible! This just couldn't be. **

**I felt the whole room spin and still I backed away from the woman, I couldn't deal with her presence right now. Again those pictures of a younger version of the woman flashed through my mind. There was no doubt. This was the woman on my picture. I shook my head. This just couldn't be... **

"Patty darling..." **a voice, which sounded somewhat familiar as well, came form inside the house, and then a woman appeared next to Piper's mom. **

**I looked shocked up and almost fainted, as I saw the woman approaching. It had been the old lady I ran into the other day at the park. The day I had fainted. **

**My breath stopped as I just shook my head. This couldn't be. This just was impossible. I couldn't take it any longer and so just slowly backed away. I almost fell down the stairs, as I went backwards and forgot there actually were steps. Both women still standing at the door gasped at me and tried to catch me, but I just shrugged them off and ran back to my car. **

**I tried to cool myself down, but just couldn't. I needed to talk to dad. I needed to... before I even could think properly again, I already was speeding down the street, dad's house was in. **

**I parked the car and just starred outside. I dunno how long I sat there. I was shocked. Was this really what I thought it was? Was this just some stupid... day dream or something? Was this... I felt tears burn in my eyes, but was too scared, too angry to shed them.**

**Suddenly there was this knock on the window and I remember how I was scared to hell at this. I shrugged heavily together and then looked up, just to see dad stand there. I noticed how his face was paling as he looked at me and then the door flew open **

"Prue?! Honey, are you okay? Is everything alright? Something wrong with the baby? Andy?" **he bombarded me. I just starred at him, as the picture screamed at me in my mind. I compared the picture of dad and my biological mother I had memorized and kept like a treasure forever again. Could dad and this woman really be the same two people like on the picture? Could this really be happening?**

"Prue?!" **dad almost yelled at me. He most likely had freaked out at my state and just wanted to know what was going on, but I just couldn't talk back then. I simply broke down. The tears finally ran down my face, as I realized, it was true. Before I knew it, my head was buried in his shoulder. **

**I have actually no idea if I had moved or he. I just remember how dad somehow got me out of the car and inside the house. He wrapped me in a blanket – I guess he interpreted my shaking as being cold – and then just held me tightly, while sitting on the couch. **

**I felt like I was a baby. For hours I just starred ahead of myself and cried into dad, not speaking one word. I can't say that I calmed down. But eventually the tears stopped flowing. I guess I didn't have tears left anymore. I remember how I suddenly found the strength to speak **

"What's... what's her name, dad?" **I asked, still starring into nothing without even one blink of the eye **

"Whose name?"

"HERS..." **I answered absently, knowing it was all that was needed**

"Prue..." **he sad gently and I just shook my head. He immediately stopped not saying more but sighing. He kissed my forehead gently and then breathed a 'Patricia' into my hair. **

**I never had asked about my mom ever. I had a mom. I had Claire. And later, I even had two mothers, as Julia, in some way, had become a mother to me as well. I just simply didn't need another person to fill that space, even if that woman was my biological mother after all. I just didn't need someone like that in my life. Just giving birth to a child, doesn't make you a mother. **

**Not in my opinion. In my opinion, the woman who rocks you to sleep, who sings to you, who feeds you, who holds you, who yells at you for screwing up, whose worried when you're not back in time, who is there every single possible second of your life, that is a mother. And she had done none of it. Did she ever hold me? Look at me? I didn't want her. I didn't need her. **

**I simply didn't need a mother who gave me away. Who didn't want me. Who probably even hated me for even existing. And suddenly there she stood. I just closed my eyes and I dunno where that single tear came from, but I felt it burning on my cheek. **

"Honey, are you cold? You're... shaking..." **dad said gently, fastening the blanket around me. I heard his voice, but I didn't comprehend his words. **

**I wasn't shaking from being cold. I was shaking from shock. From fear. From pure horror. I had met my mom. I knew who my mom was. Where she lived. **

**I felt rage and anger cook up inside of me. I had loved to go back there and hit her, but I couldn't even move. Not a muscle was moving. Not even the muscles on my eyes, so I could finally blink. I was paralyzed... **

**It was like the world had stopped turning in only a few seconds. With only a name. It was like life went on, but without me. Just like her life had continued after she gave me up. She just went back to normal. Forgetting me. **

**I heard dad talking again, but I just didn't know... what was going on anymore. My mind was busy with something else. It wasn't able to take in any more information. I know how I suddenly had the feeling of wanting to be alone. I know how I got up, did a few shaky little steps... **

**The next I know is hearing voices. I kept my eyes close, listening closely to the words spoken by Andy, Brian and dad. Andy? Brian? Wait a second... what did they do here? **

"Are they okay, Brian?"

"I can't say much until Prue's awake, Andy. From what I can judge right now, she has suffered an enormous shock..."

"But... that's not gonna harm the baby, right?"

"It looks like the baby hasn't suffered from it yet, but she'll need lots of rest and absolutely no stress for several days..."

"What if she's not?"

"Andy, don't go there right now..." **I heard Andy letting out a deep sigh, as he seemingly shifted his attention from Brian to dad **

"And she didn't say anything about what happened?"

"No... She only asked about her mother's name..." **dad answered. I opened my eyes and scanned the room. It was my old bedroom. **

"Well Prue never knew her biological mother... so maybe... something happened, which..."** Brian stopped, noticing me being awake as Andy moved towards me**

"Hey sweetie" **Andy whispered in a gentle voice.** **I swallowed and closed my eyes as he pecked my lips gently **

"How are ya feeling, baby?" **I heard dad's voice boom through. My eyes didn't focus. As tears started to cloud my view again. **

"Honey what happened?"

"Andy, not now" **Brian answered softly. **

"c'mon... I take you home..." **Andy whispered and picked me up. **

**I didn't sleep that night. I just continued to stare at the ceiling. Andy tried several hours to get me to talk, to calm me down, but nothing succeeded. He eventually fell asleep. **

**I couldn't. My mind was still trying to comprehend, to sort everything out. It was an impossible task. And this impossible task kept me up all night. It just wouldn't let me find peace. **

**Each time I actually thought I understood what this all meant, I felt all the pain and anger again. Most of my life was completely screwed up and that I always blamed onto her. I blamed her, because she was the one giving me up for adoption. For not wanting me. **

**She was the reason I was a more or less crippled personality when I met Andy. She was the reason for the scars on my arms. She was the reason for the scars in my heart and soul. She was the reason for 16 years without love. She was the reason... she was the one who was supposed to love me and yet, she never wanted me. She probably even hated me for existing. Did she ever try to kill me? **

**I felt tears again burning in my eyes as I covered them and then just screamed as loud and long as I could. When I ran out of air I just sobbed for a few seconds before screaming again, this time, it was into Andy's chest. I screamed again and again, because it felt like I finally could let go of it. I felt like it would make it better. I felt like, I screamed at her. I didn't scream words. I just simply screamed...**


	3. Late Autumn 2002 Part 3

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 03:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 3**

**--------------------**

Abbey lay awake a long time. She knew what had happened with Prue, over at Piper's, but she didn't know what it meant.

She had heard the bell and got ready. She and Piper came downstairs just in time to see Prue's car speeding away. Patty had acted really weird afterwards. She looked very pale and when Piper had asked her, what was going on, she just shook her head and ran upstairs. Penny, Piper's grandma, had then called for Sam, Piper's dad, and told him to take her home. Piper had looked very scared when they said their goodbyes and then Sam took her home.

Julia was kinda upset, Prue didn't pick her, when Abbey told her the story. however when Andy came home he got worried and tried calling her ceil a billion of times but no one ever took it, which scared Andy even more.

Then there was that call from Victor. Andy afterwards had been gone for two hours. When he returned he had carried a very pale looking Prue, with puffy red eyes, who starred into nothing, not blinking, just starring, and not moving one muscle and tears were like magically produced in her eyes and flowing down her cheeks. After the call, Julia had gotten worried about Prue too. Now that she had thought about it, she knew Prue wouldn't have left Abbey at the manor, if there wasn't something seriously wrong.

It all really freaked Abbey out, and so as soon as the house somewhat had died out, she called Piper's ceil. She needed to get to know what happened. Maybe Piper knew something.

"Hey" a low voice answered from the other side of the phone

"Hey" Abbey answered "I'm really... scared... Prue's..."

"I know... my mom's too..."

"What happened?"

"I dunno... my mom won't come out of her room, but I hear her crying permanently. At dinner, Grams only said, she couldn't tell us, what was wrong, that it was mom's responsibility to tell us, what's going on."

"You should have seen Prue. Her dad called saying she had fainted over at his. And when Andy returned with her... she was as white as the wall... crying... but not moving a muscle. Her eyes completely unfocused. He didn't show up anymore... didn't say anything..."

"Grams... wanted me to show her the wedding invitation from Prue and Andy, and when I showed her, she actually cried as well... I mean... she didn't really cry... she just... a few tears left her eyes, which she quickly pushed aside again and then she left my room again... going back to mom..."

"But why?"

"I dunno... I just... she... she stopped at Prue's name... and while reading out the last name the tears flowed. I'm sca..."

More Abbey couldn't understand, as a loud scream suddenly echoed through the whole house

"What... what was that?"

"I... I think it's Prue..." Abbey whispered lowly and then she heard how Piper started sobbing as well

"I dunno what's going on here, Abbey... I just... dad's very upset... angry... and... Grams cries... she never cries... and mom's... and Prue... I don't get this. What are we missing?"

"I wished I knew... but... I don't... listen... I'm... I'm gonna ask my mom if it's okay, if I can sleep over at yours tonight, okay?"

"No... it's... scary here, Abbey... Phoebe and Paige already sleep here with me..."

Again you could hear a scream echoing throughout the house and Abbey shrugged together, snapping for air

"And here it's not?" Abbey asked now sniffling as well, what got Piper to stifle something like a laugh

"I don't think Grams would allow me to have someone over..."

"Okay... I'm... gonna... go to my mom... maybe... maybe she knows something..."

"Okay..."

"We're gonna find this out"

"Hopefully" Piper answered and then Abbey hung up, got out of her bed and crept to her parent's bedroom, freezing deadly in the hall-way, as another scream filled the house. She shuddered slightly, it was like she could sense all the pain and anger, which came from the scream and it scared her even more. Finally she reached the door and knocked gently, immediately the door sprung open and her mom hugged her. As soon as she felt her arms around her, she started crying as well.

"I'm... gonna go call Victor and Claire... it seems like, Andy's not enough to calm her..." Richard said, getting up as well. Julia just nodded and took Abbey over to the queen size bed, lying down with her. Half an hour later, Victor and Claire came and Claire joined Julia and Abbey, while Richard tried to back Andy and Victor up in the attic.

"What's going on, Claire?"

"We don't really know... Victor said, he found her in her car in front of the house, completely out of it. He took her inside and she... she never really calmed... but after hours of... just holding her, she asked after her mother's name... Victor said... she then got up... but she only made a few steps and fainted…"

Julia noticed how Abbey stiffened in her arms during Claire's explanation

"Honey?" she asked gently

"Piper said... her mom locked herself in her room... and her dad's very upset... and... her grandma wanted to see her wedding invitation, and then her grandma cried... what she never does... she said, that she hesitated reading Prue's name and then cried at her last name..."

Julia now too, got where Abbey was heading and looked at Claire

"What's Prue's mother's name?"

"Patricia..."

"Patty for short" Julia finished for her. There was silence in the room for a good while, and then Claire shook her head and got up

"I gotta... I gotta tell Victor..." she mumbled, going upstairs, there on the bed she found Andy and Victor, Prue in the middle and Brian sitting on the edge of the bed, just removing a needle form Prue's arm

"That should let her calm down again..." he told them. Andy looked worried at Prue, who still was lying in his arms. He wished she'd finally talk. He wished he knew what was going on, but all she did was cry... and now scream... in the middle of the night. He didn't know what was going on, but suddenly Prue pulled a bit away and looked up. Focusing her eyes on something. He followed her gaze and found Claire standing there.

"She's not... you are" she choke out, before starting to cry again. Everyone looked puzzled at Claire,

"oh baby" Claire mumbled who had immediately understood what Prue meant and moved over, hugging 'her daughter' tightly, mumbling gentle words into her ear. Prue started to calm down and so Andy and Victor moved off the bed and Claire lay down with Prue, holding her tightly, while the woman in her arms slowly drifted off to sleep.

"I know what happened..." Claire told them, when she was sure, Prue was deep asleep. "Piper's mom... is... is Prue's mother..."

"What?"

"she saw her... and must have recognized her... that's why she asked you what her mother's name was and... her rambling before... she... she probably thought, I was mad at her or something... that I may think... or treat her differently or something... that's why she said... she's not ... I would be... she's claiming the other's not her mom... I am..."

"But... but that's impossible... it's..." Victor rambled

"Victor... after you made that big deal; you wanted to move back to San Francisco. If you have moved after what happened, why should Patty have had to? She didn't have any reason to move from San Francisco. And she... probably didn't even know you're back or Prue's living here... Abbey said, she talked to Piper, who said her grandmother, wanted to see the wedding invitations of Prue and Andy... and she said she stopped at Prue's name... and started to cry at her last name. Patty named Prue Pruedence, Victor... and she had your last name on that invitation..."

Victor starred at his wife and shook his head slightly, then looked at Andy

"Do you... know... how... the grandmother... what's her name?"

"I... I dunno... Abbey probably knows..."

"It's Penny" Richard said lowly from the entrance of the bedroom "Penny Halliwell..."

"Penelope Halliwell..." Victor almost choked on the words "the address is 13..."

"... 29 Prescott Street" Andy finished for him and looked down at Prue "that's why she's so upset... Prue always got upset even talking about her mother..."

"Well, whatever it is..." Brian started "she shouldn't have much more of the stress... the heartbeat of the kid's very low and... I'd really prefer taking her to the hospital... to properly watch both the baby's and Prue's condition"

"No... Prue's... Prue can't handle the hospital or the fear of loosing the baby right now, Brian... we can't tell her..."

"She has to know, Andy. It's her right as much as yours" Richard told his son

"No, Andy's right..." Claire nodded "Prue hates hospitals... especially because of the cuts... she can't be reminded of them right now and... if she knew... about the baby not doing well... she'd only upset herself even more..."

"You do realize, you two are gambling with the baby's life right now..."

"No... I'm gonna make sure she's... calming down... the baby will be fine." Andy argued and sat down on the bed again, taking Prue's hand


	4. Late Autumn 2002 Part 4

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 04:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 4**

**--------------------**

Victor the whole time starred at Prue. Now suddenly seeing how much she actually had of her mother. He had never seen these little things before. Her lips... her smile... the way she moved... her hair... well, beside the colour... the little 'wrinkles' she got when she smiled or worried. Victor closed his eyes tightly as he saw instead of his daughter his ex lying on the bed. he shook his head and breathed deeply, then left the room, passing Richard and just starred out of one of the windows.

Maybe he made a mistake in moving back to San Francisco... but then Prue never would have met Andy...

Maybe it was wrong to tell Prue about her mother wanting to give her up... but it was the truth and... Prue deserved the truth.

He sighed. Why did this just happen? How did Prue know about her mother anyway? The picture... right... maybe he shouldn't have...

Damn it! He had! He could make up as many ifs as he wanted... it wouldn't change the fact, that he had done it.

He turned around and walked downstairs, then drove to the manor. He saw light still coming from the room which had belonged to Patty. Did it still belong to her? He sighed and took several more minutes to finally find the strength to actually throw a small stone against the window. Nothing. A second followed and then a window was opened and he saw a woman looking out

"Patty..."

Her heartbeat skipped a beat, hearing that voice. She knew that voice, even though it had changed a bit over the years. She closed the window again

"Damn it" Victor mumbled and was about to get into his car again, when the front door opened

"Why don't you come in?" she asked.

"You sure?"

"No. but... you're the only person I wanna talk to right now... so..."

"We could also go to buddies..."

She disappeared into the old house again and Victor sighed. He only screwed up today, didn't he? But a second later, she stepped out, shoes on, a knitted waistcoat pulled together in the front

"Let's go" she said, walking up to him and then got into the passenger seat. The drive was deathly silent. And the way to the infamous restaurant seemed longer than ever. Finally there they got out and inside the restaurant. They ordered some coffee and sat down in one of the booths

"Is she okay?"

"Not really... she's been crying for hours... not calming down. a... a little while ago... she just suddenly started screaming... no words... she barely spoke... she just... cries and... screams... she's completely shocked. Before I left Brian... umm... a friend of Prue and Andy's who's a doctor... gave her something to calm down and... She... finally went to sleep..."

"Lucky her"

Victor just nodded playing with the mug in his hands

"How did she know?"

"I... I dunno... she must have remembered that old picture of the two of us, I gave her for her birthday..."

"How did you... I mean...how come... how come you know her?"

"When I got married... I... started to search for her... even more so, when my wife got into an accident and her ovaries had to be removed in order for her to live..."

"When did you..."

"She was 15... Almost 16 back then..."

Patty nodded

"What did you tell her...? I mean... about me... about you..."

"Everything. She knows it all. She deserves to know. She wanted to know and... I can't lie to her..."

"You did the right thing."

Silence fell over the room. It were the early morning hours and the restaurant was still empty. The day yet had to begin for most people. And just like the day which hadn't yet begun, the two ex-lovers still were in the dark of their relationship right now. They didn't know who they were talking to. Was the other a stranger? A lover? An ex? An enemy?

Neither knew and so neither knew what to say, what to do or how to deal with the other's new life. Was it actually okay to ask stuff about the other's life? Was there something, other than their daughter and the whole fiasco which was going on right now, which connected them? Just like the day was yet to come, the two yet had to find a way to be part of each other's life again.

"Does she hate me?" Patty broke the silence.

"I dunno... we barely talk about you... I mean... she didn't even know your name up until today..."

Patty nodded again

"I gotta... talk to her..."

"No!"

Patty glanced at him.

"Brian... she's... she's pregnant and... Brian said... she needs to calm down now... or else... she might loose the baby..."

"But... Victor what do you want me to do or say now? If I don't show up... she really will think... I don't care about her..."

"Well do you?"

"How can you ask me that?"

"You never tried searching for her..."

"You don't know that!"

"Then why did you give her up? Do you have any idea in what condition she was in when I found her? Do you have any idea what she had been through with her 16 years?"

Patty bit her lip and looked down

"I just want her to understand..."

"What? That you gave her up? That she was a mistake?"

"No!!! That I loved her more than anything in this world... and that I hated myself for not being in any circumstance to raise her!! don't judge me... you don't know anything about the day she was born... you don't know how it was when mom just showed her to me and then packed her up... how I begged her to let me hold her... just for one second..."

"Your mother always was a heartless bitch"

"No she's not... because she did it for me and for Prudence. She knew that if I held her, I'd not be able to give her up. She knew that if I kept her, she would have had nothing. I wouldn't have been able to give her anything..."

"What about love, Patty?!" he demanded

"The social worker I talked to said, they always could get fast and loving homes for newborns. I wanted her to have everything."

"What you gave her were 14 years in a foster home. one year in a family who just never even tried to get through to her and one hell of an experienced with another family, where her so called father hit his wife... Prue's best friend into a coma!!"

"I didn't know that, Victor!! I wouldn't have given her away, if I knew that. I thought she'd just have a nice big family... where she could grow up protected and loved... that's what I wanted for her. That's why I gave her up..."

"Then why didn't we try to make it work? Together we could have..."

"No we wouldn't have... and you know that as well as I do..."

"You should have given her to me..."

"You were only a teenager either, Victor. You couldn't have given her what she needed either, don't you get that?"

"I or you or we could have done a better job than the foster home!!"

"How can you even assume, I would have given her up if I knew that!! If I saw that coming..." Patty challenged and Victor looked down.

He knew, Patty never had wanted any of this to happen to their child, but on the other hand, it all happened, because she gave Prue up. It was the truth and as much as it might hurt to speak it out loud, it had to be said. There couldn't forever be this devastating silence, these unspoken accusations. If they wanted to start all new it all had to be said now.

on the other hand he knew or better saw it in Patty's eyes, how much the truth hurt her and he didn't intend to rub everything in. he didn't go to the manor to tell her what a huge mistake she made, even if in his opinion she did. He went to the manor, because he knew they were the only one inside the huge amount of people involved in this, who at least in the tiniest bit, were able to fully understand how Prue must feel. He went there, because he knew, for Prue's sake, he and Patty somehow had to arrange themselves. They had created this mess and the two of them were the only ones who could clear it up.

"Did she never... want to... look for me? Know about me?"

Victor shook his head

"I think... I was something like... her knight in shining armour... we enjoyed our time together... catching up... even if she... back then... still had some problems we had to take care of... she had learned in her life back then already that... if the other person doesn't show interest in you... then why should you do that?"

Again silence fell over the room. Everything was said. The connection broke here, as all questions and accusations were spoken and answered. Both knew, they now had to find a new point to connect or else there wouldn't be a connection ever again.

"I hear you have... children?"

"Yeah... a husband and three daughters. Piper, Phoebe and Paige."

Victor let out laugh

"I never get the whole deal with the Ps..."

"It's a family tradition..."

"Just like the girls, huh?"

Patty smiled

"Kinda. look Victor... I know... we made a lot of mistakes back then..."

"Don't refer to my daughter as a mistake"

"First of all she's our daughter and second... I'm not... I was referring to us breaking up and choosing the wrong decisions afterwards, but it's the past. We can't change that. But, we can change the future. And I wanna be a part of our daughter's life... in the future. If I don't talk to her right now then maybe I'll loose her a second time and... I don't think I can deal with that. I need to talk to her. Please."

"Give her a few days to... understand, to... deal with it all. Give it to... her and... you and... me and... our families..."

Patty nodded lowly, knowing this was not only difficult for her. Knowing, that their daughter's and grandchild's sake were right now more important than what she wanted or needed.

The wound, Prue in some way had caused in her heart, never had healed. Especially since it was reopened many times by the three younger ones. It was no rarity she thought about how Prue would have looked or acted in the many challenges the younger had to go through and she often had feared she had just replaced the oldest. The wound was ripped apart the other day and of course she couldn't just make everything go away with a kiss on it, but she could try to care for the wounds she unintentionally had caused. Piper, Phoebe and Paige had always been more important than anything else in her life. But if Prue allowed her to, she now would become the object of her attention. For as long as needed fully and afterwards she'd share the place with her half sisters.

"You okay?" Victor asked, finding Patty somewhere else

"Ya... I just... I know I made mistakes and I know... I hurt everyone with this... I just... hope and... pray it's not too late to fix everything. I'm scared. I know I haven't been a mother to her... ever... but... to see how much I hurt her... to see her at all... makes me want to... fix it... catch up with everything... make up for everything. God, I never meant for this to happen! I..." Patty stopped starting to cry and hiding her face behind her hands. Victor got up and moved over to her.

"Heeey. I dunno how she did it, but... she turned out to be a great young woman. Give her some time. I'm sure... everything will turn out fine. It'll be a few tough weeks... or even months for us all, but... there's always light at the end of the tunnel..."

"You think she'd really forgive me?"

Victor looked down

"I never saw Prue like that. And I dunno how she'll react on you. All I know is, that you have to give her time. She'll come around. She always has. But it ahs to be in her own time to her own conditions or else..." Victor shook his head "Prue's very sensible and... you can easily break her... so if you don't want to loose her, leave her the time she needs. You need to or else I'm afraid no one's gonna to be able to save her anymore." Victor told her, not wanting to tell Patty just yet about Prue cutting herself and how scared he was right now, she'd start again.

Patty looked confused at him and realized, there was something Victor was hiding, but she knew, just like Prue, he'd come to her in time. She moved closer to Victor and hugged him

"Thank you" she whispered. Victor simply smiled a little and hugged her back

"How about I... pay you breakfast?"

"Sounds great...I'm starving..." Patty smiled, pulling out of the hug

"Me too..." Victor admitted, as they fell into a quiet conversation and catching up with each other's life.


	5. Late Autumn 2002 Part 5

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 05:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 5**

**--------------------**

**I woke up the next morning with heavy eyes, which immediately clouded again. For several minutes I didn't know why I cried. It just felt, like it had to be this way. Like I needed to get rid of the fluids in my eyes. Then I felt a soft movement in my stomach and as I looked down, I felt like, I didn't look at my body, but looked down at Patty's body as SHE was carrying me. My breath almost caught itself in my throat. I felt how my baby – my little girl – moved for the very first time and I couldn't be happy about it, because one day... SHE had felt me move inside of HER... and probably SHE didn't care. **

**Everything came crushing onto me again, as flashbacks of the last night run through my mind again. Seeing HER, dad saying Patty, Brian's words about the baby and my condition, me screaming and Andy's arms around me. And before I knew it, these arms weren't just a mare memory anymore, but had turned into reality, as I felt Andy's soft kisses on my cheek and him holding me tightly to him.**

**I felt myself shaking from sobbing and turned around in Andy's arms. For a split second I looked into his eyes**

"I'm sorry" **I told him, before hiding myself in his chest and arms.**

"There's nothing to be sorry about..." **Andy whispered back and just held me.**

**As I had finally calmed down the tiniest bit, I got myself to talk to him**

"I'm sorry for screaming... I'm sorry for not talking to you... I'm sorry for... for risking our kid's health..." **I told him**

"Hey, hey, hey... it's okay... I... understand... I mean... I don't think I ever can really understand what you're going through... but... you know..."

**I almost had to laugh at his attempt to express himself. Andy never had been too good with words, but the laugh only turned out as a muffled chuckle **

"Besides... you and our daughter are gonna be just fine. I'll make sure of that..." **he told me and kissed the top of my head tenderly. I felt a smile exploding on my face.** "So what do you wanna do first? Shower – which I also could turn into a loooong bath – or breakfast?"

"I just... I wanna stay here... not do anything" **I whispered**

"No can do. Like I said... you two are gonna be fine... and I'll make sure of that"

"Andy..."

"Aaaah, I see you choose the breakfast" **he told me, moved away from me and picked me up, getting me to the kitchen. I couldn't help but smile and then gasp as I saw what he had made and gotten everything for 'breakfast'**

"Oh my god! Andy! Are you crazy?!" **I asked, my eyes still roaming over all the food.**

"Just thought you deserved some pampering" **he told me and placed me on one of the chairs**

"We'll throw most of that away..."

"I don't care. Anything for you two" **he told me smiling and moved closer to me to kiss me, the first time that morning properly, but as soon as his tongue started to explore my mouth, images of HER and dad started to appear in my mind and I immediately pushed Andy away gasping for air. **

"Prue?" **Andy asked, his voice only barely making it through to me. I felt his hands on me, to steady me. I felt like I shook my head, without even 'ordering' it to do so.**

"Prue? Sweetie? What's wrong?"

"There... permanently are these pictures in my head... it's... I can't take it anymore, Andy" **I told him again feeling his arms around me**

"It's okay... it's okay" **Andy tried calming me down and again picked me up and took me over to the couch** "what pictures Prue?"

"I... when I saw HER yesterday... I saw HER giving birth... and... When you kissed me I saw HER and dad... and... When the baby kicked I saw HER holding her stomach as I kicked... it's... I can't take it anymore Andy... make it stop... please... please make it stop..." **I sobbed. **

**That it were my faint powers combined with my daughters I couldn't know back then. After all, I didn't know about magic. I didn't know about my powers or my daughter's powers. I didn't know that all the freaky images and dreams which constantly ran through my mind were a mixture of my telekinesis and the baby's power of premonition. All I 'knew' back then, was that I was probably going nuts.**

**I don't know how long it took for me to at least slightly go back to normal again. I just know how Andy started to feed me eventually. The day went by fast. I don't remember we seriously did anything at all. **

**I know I didn't talk at all. I know how, Andy and I had been alone all day. I know how he cared for me all day. Pampered me all day. I know how he every now and then stuffed some food into me. How he massaged me while we took a shower together. But the rest is only a blur and so I really can't remember when or how we ended up in bed again, his arms again around me. Holding me close. I recall how I didn't dare to close my eyes, scared these images would come again. **

**Andy didn't say anything he just lay there, showing me he was there for me and maybe even trying to protect me from myself. I knew he felt bad, cause he didn't know what to say or do. But I didn't know what to tell him. **

"You know..." **I whispered** "I just dunno what to tell you. There's... such a huge chaos in my head... a chaos I can't sort out. I dunno where to start to order it. I dunno how..."

"Maybe if you tell me the things which you have on your mind, I can help you order some stuff" **he said softly and I just sighed deeply and closed my eyes for a second, before just starting to babble, without even thinking of it. I just spoke out what right then came consciously into my mind.**

"Every time people left the foster home I was in with someone else I asked myself... what was so disgusting with me? What was... wrong with me, that not even my parents... the people who are SUPPOSED to love me... don't want me. I felt like I was no one and I felt like... I had some kind of weird gene in me... which... shrugged the people off..." **I told him**

"I always felt this way, ever since I can think. And then there were people like kylie... and I just thought... I'm sure she died because of me. Because she loved me. And... I think that's also part of... why I started cutting myself. Maybe I'd just die and then no one had to love me anymore. No one had to care for me anymore. And then there was dad... and he was... different. He was supposed to love me. And he got me to accept the love he gave me. And eventually I guess I returned it. But with Claire, I always was scared... there was something gonna happen to her, when she loved me... loved me like a daughter. I always was scared she'd leave or something if I called her mom. That's why I didn't and seeing HER made me realize that. I thought because SHE didn't want me as her child, why should any other woman want to? I always wanted her as my mom. I just never dared to say it. And now... now that I know, SHE's there, SHE ruined that as well." **I said, starring into nothing**

"SHE ruins everything. SHE ruined my whole life. SHE didn't, love me. Didn't want me. And just because SHE didn't... SHE didn't let dad... and just because of that I ended up in a foster home... I ended up... not being loved almost my entire life. I ended up almost raped. I ended up almost nuts. I ended up almost dead. I feel like... SHE ruined my whole life... SHE made me the no one I was. SHE makes me feel like I'm that kid again. The kid no one ever loved and therefore didn't even know what love was. The kid which wanted to die, just so it could be with the only person that ever loved it."

"But you're not. Your dad and Claire and my parents love you. And Abbey... just think about how much she adores you. And you have me. I love you more than anything and you know that"

"Deep down I know it, but... like I said. There's so much in my mind, which... clouds my thoughts and it's like I just forget it. I know it's wrong because... you fought so hard for me. You were... you made me realize... I was worth being loved. You have no idea what a feeling it was to have you interested in me. How you accepted me as who I am with all my little mistakes and screw ups and everything. I know you love me unconditionally. You... you made me realize it's not my fault SHE didn't... do anything a mother does, but HERS. But now that I saw HER, that I'm confronted with HER, it seems like all of that is gone…"

"I know SHE didn't do anything, but maybe SHE had her reasons to give you up."

"That would be? SHE gave birth to at least three other children and SHE loved them. SHE kept them. SHE raised them. SHE gave them everything SHE was supposed to give me. Three others. But not me. SHE was supposed to love me and... Be there for me... and I dunno what else and SHE didn't. just simply because SHE... SHE carried me under HER goddamn heart for 9 months she should have. But I don't think SHE even has a heart or else I just simply don't get how SHE could just give me away." **I said, feeling how I got upset. Not in the sense of crying upset but in he sense of wanting to hit someone badly upset**

"I mean... I'm pregnant right now as well... I know how it feels, to feel a kid inside of you. I know how it is to know how someone is growing inside of you. I know how it is to see the ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. I'm not that far into this pregnancy and I already know I never could give her away or kill her. In the contrary. I'd die if anything happened to her... I think I'd cry for hours if I missed something like her first word or her first step... or whatever else... and most of all, I'm scared as hell, that I'm not able to be a good mother, cause I didn't have that bitch as a mother." **I told him, starring into nothingness, while tears rolled down my cheeks**

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't talk like that about HER... she's still your mother... biological spoken"

"Don't call HER my mother!! Biological spoken, SHE was my incubator. Not more and not less. Claire is my mom... and may... maybe your mom, but SHE's not my mother. SHE never did anything to me, which would justify me calling HER that. SHE never held me when I cried. SHE never yelled at me for screwing up. SHE never was worried when I came home late. SHE never sat at my bed to make the nightmares go away. SHE never took my temperature and had that scared look on HER face. Never! And that's what mother's do, okay? They don't just produce you and then they're out of the job... that's not how it works!!"

"You're gonna be a great mom..."

"That's not true. I'm already not, because... I'm risking our kid's life... because of HER... I can't believe SHE's even able to take the love of others from me. Able to take the one treasure I have from me."

"SHE's not... and you're not risking anything. The two of you are fine"

"I heard what Brian said yesterday. Over at dad's. I heard that he said I needed to rest and have no stress for a few days and I know fine well... how much I freaked today again..."

"It's normal. And... I want to help you so badly... but..."

"You can't"

"Yes, I can't. But... there's someone who might can..."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying... that you have a lot of questions... and you can't work them out, because you don't understand how or why things happened like they did. And I'm saying there's only one who can help you, because only one has answers and solutions to what you want to know. Only one person can help you... sort out how you feel and I think you know who I mean..."

"no." **I told him, more denying what I knew he was going to say, than answering his question, what he must have thought, as he continued**

"Prue, you gotta... you should... maybe you should talk to HER."

"No!!! For Christ's sake, no! I'm not talking to HER!" **I yelled, and pushed myself up into a sitting position and left the bedroom to go back to the living, were I sat down on the couch, a blanket like magically appeared and wrapped around me, making me feel more protected in some way. I sat there alone for several minutes, before Andy moved to sit next to me.**

"How can you ask me that...?"

"I'm not asking. I wanna... I want to help you... and since I can't... I try to find a way to help you and... I don't think there's another way than that. I'm not saying you have to and I'm not gonna make you. But... I told you, that maybe I could help you sort some things out... and... That's my opinion on how maybe you could settle down a bit. At least a tiny bit."

**I don't remember how long I sat there starring into the darkness, thinking about what Andy was saying. I knew deep down he was right, but I knew I couldn't face HER another time. I just simply didn't know what to do and how to behave. God, there was no plan ever existing in my mind what I'd do in this situation. I just unconsciously nodded at some point and then moved towards Andy, laying my head on his shoulder. He immediately kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arm around me, the other searching my hand and holding it somewhat tightly**

"You really felt her move today?" **he asked, after what seemed like an eternity. It needed me a few minutes to realize what he was saying. Gosh! I didn't even realize it yet myself, that she seriously had kicked or boxed or whatever this morning. A tear left my eyes again, as I just thought what a bad mother I was, not celebrating the first movement of my kid I felt, but then a small smile appeared on my face and I nodded**

"Where?"

"It was just... a little... pressure I felt... I don't... I don't seriously remember where..."

**I felt Andy's hand moving to my belly, stroking it gently and my smile grew **

"I don't think you could have felt it yet..."

"I don't care" **he answered, pushed me into a sitting position and then knelt down in front of me, uncovering my growing belly and then kissed it gently** "hey baby girl" **he whispered and started talking to my belly. My smile almost exploded, as I watched Andy bond with our unborn child. And suddenly I realized, I didn't care about HER anymore. **

**I knew SHE wasn't important anymore. I had people who loved me all around me and even inside me. I didn't need HER anymore. All I needed was this here. And so I decided, to just forget about HER again, like she probably had forgotten about me. but unfortunately minds and hearts mostly stand in the way of one another and as much as you decide to forget about something, you can't decide to stop feeling and so it didn't take long till I fell deeply again.**


	6. Late Autumn 2002 Part 6

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 06:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 6**

**--------------------**

**The next day was horrible. Yes, of course I had told myself not to mind anymore, but that seriously was easier said than done back then. Andy was gone already before I even woke up. He had left a few tiny love messages, which every time made me smile, but soon, I had nothing to do anymore, as Andy had taken care of pretty much everything already, as he wanted me to rest a little... like I read in his 'letters'. **

**I tried pretty much everything to distract myself, but nothing really worked. I tried reading some pregnancy stuff, but just couldn't concentrate and ended up reading the same page like... at least 10 times. Then I turned on the TV, but there really wasn't much more than talk shows on the goddamn thing and I really didn't need to hear of other people's problems. I had enough myself. **

**So I eventually decided to fix myself some food... turn up the music and then just cook... it started out great, until 'because you loved me' of Celine Dion played in the radio. I remember how by then wanted to crawl up in a corner and cry again. **

"How about? 'because you hated m...' ouch!" **just as I was speaking, I felt suddenly a huge pain go through my hand and as I looked down, I saw that I had accidentally cut myself. **

**I starred down at the knife with the blood... at the blood on my hand and immediately images started to shoot through my mind once more. With the images came the emotions and before I even knew it, I had the knife placed on my wrist. When I noticed what was going on I immediately threw the knife away and covered my eyes**

"Nononono... no!!" **I screamed and then moved back to the bedroom. I crawled up in bed and hid under the covers. **

**I dunno for how long I laid there... starring into the coverlet and trying to get those thoughts out of my head. Already almost disappointed to not have them locked out already. **

**Over and over the lyrics of that song went through my head like a torture. Over and over I saw me how I cut myself... and then there always was this cry of a baby. I still wonder how I didn't go nuts that day, but I think, that if a somewhat panicking voice, didn't call out for me the time it did, it would have been too late.**

**It was Andy. Of course it was Andy. Who else? I can't remember how he reacted on seeing me. I think I heard him slightly gasping or something... he mumbled something... but I didn't fully realize his actions at all. I just kept starring into nothingness and his arms eventually moved around me and he started, once again to sooth me down. **

**I remember how it eventually worked... probably because I was simply exhaust and he finally let go of me. He got the first aid patch out of the bathroom and went back to me, caring for the cut on my hand. Once finished, he made me look at him **

"Prue, what happened" **I just shook my head... not wanting to talk about it** "Prue..."

"I... I wanted to distract myself... and started cooking... and... then there was this song... and I... I accidentally cut myself... and..." **I closed my eyes and looked away, but he immediately turned me around again. Again, making me look at him.**

"And what?"

"I dunno how... how I... I didn't want to do it... but... before I realized anything the blade was on... on my arm... I... I just threw the knife away... and came here... I... I don't... I don't wanna do it, Andy... but... this pain... it's there again and... I feel like... it's again the only thing... that... that can get rid of it... I don't wanna do it... but seeing all the blood and... the blade and..."

"Hey, hey, hey... shshs... you didn't that's what matters" **he told me, hugging me tightly again **

"What if..."

"No. that's not gonna happen. You're stronger than that. I know you are. Remember what you told me when you first told me about you cutting yourself? You said... you didn't do it anymore. You said, you just were in a very dark place. And that you wouldn't do it anymore... because... even when you were back at that place... you had your light right beside you... remember? You said I was your light... and I'm here..."

"But you can't be always here..."

"I can. If you need me here, I'm gonna be here... just... just promise me, you won't do anything stupid, okay?"

"I can't... I can't promise... cause... I don't know..." **I remember how harshly Andy then grabbed my chin, again making me look at him**

"Promise me..."

"I... Andy..."

"Promise me" **he demanded and I remember how shocked I was that he was so harsh. But then I finally met his eyes and saw how scared he was and that he actually had watery eyes.**

"I swear to god, if you cut yourself again... I'm cutting myself at least twice for every cut you did to yourself" **he told me**

"No!" **I yelled **

"Then promise me, for god's sake!" **he repeated again **

"I... I promise..." **I choke out, as he let go of my face and hugged me tightly again **

"I can't loose you. I need you. The baby needs you. I love you, damn it!"

"I'm sorry... I... maybe you should... maybe I should go... I... I didn't deserve you... and you deserved something better..."

"I have the best and I'm not planning on giving it up..." **he told me and I just let out a small laugh, hiding once more in his chest.**

**It seemed like that day had been my kind of d-day. I still was alive. I still was more or less sane and it seemed like that final freak out was needed for me to really be able to follow, what I had told myself and just forget about mom. **


	7. Late Autumn 2002 Part 7

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 07:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 7**

**--------------------**

**That it was just a coincidence, that in the following weeks, every day someone was visiting me at some point or small distractions were always in reach, I still don't believe. But I really don't care how or why Andy did it, I just know, that there couldn't have been a better therapy. **

**I finally could push the subject of my mother aside. At least at day. As, no matter, how much I had banished the thought of Patricia Wilder into the depth of my conscious, it still was present and haunted me every night in my dreams. **

**The most 'successful' project – as Andy might would have called it – was Brian. He had bought me a book filled with baby names. We talked all morning, while discovering the most exotic and sometimes even stupid names, we could imagine. Then we ordered in some Chinese food for a late lunch – we kinda had gotten lost in the discussion – and afterwards started to heatedly discuss baby names. **

**When Andy got home, he looked at us as if we were nuts. I think he might even has felt a little left out, since his best friend and wife already like had decided what his kid's name was going to be. I felt kinda sorry for him as well. Something deep inside of me told me, he had no chance he ever would win a fight over this. **

**Brian had pleaded for a Brianna... after her future absolutely most favourite uncle. At that point Andy told him to now better grab his stuff and go, before he'd get desperate. We had a good long laugh and then packed the baby name stuff away to watch a movie. **

**Andy didn't know it then, but I had settled already on a name for our little one. I loved the name from the second I read it. But officially the serious discussion had only started the next day, when Andy and I had been alone in the evening. **

**The question of a name never had come into the picture. Not yet. There was too much on our mind from the day on, we knew, we'd have a girl. But with Brian's book it came more conscious into our minds our little girl needed a name. After a while of just babbling about names, we decided it hadn't been that successful and so we agreed to each of us writing down 5 names we liked and then discuss. **

"Okay... well I have Aimee, Catherine, Fiona, Isabelle and Lauren" **he told me in a somewhat proud voice after like almost an hour of searching**

"Let's see... no, no, no, umm... no and ya... no!"

"Why not?" **he asked, his mouth still hanging open**

"First of all... Aimee, Fiona and Lauren are names you can't do nicknames of..." **I started. **

"Well, that's a pro for me..."

"But not for me"** I wanted a nickname for each and every of my kids. No doubt. I mean. What use does it have when you called your kid Aimee and you called for her that way, when you're proud of her, when you say good night to her and when you're mad at her? With nicknames and full names, you could express already with the use of a name, what your mood towards your child is.**

"And Catherine and Isabelle... I dunno... I mean... Isabelle... we'd probably call her Belle... I guess and that's just so... I dunno... calling your kid beauty?" **I asked him, on what he just let out a small chuckle** "And Catherine... it's just... nah... I always have to think about Catherine Hepburn and I don't really like her."

"Ya but I do..."

"Okay... fine... Catherine can stay... for now" **I relented, smiling a little to myself**

**Andy smiled widely and kissed me **"thanks! Even though I really wanna know what's going on in your head right now with that smile on your face..."

"Can't tell" **I answered smirking slight...**

"Right! Now you..."

"Weeell... I only have one name..."

"That would be?"

"Roxanne..."

"No way!"

"Andy... could you first listen to me..."

"Umm... no!! You don't wanna call our kid beauty... fine! But I'm not naming our kid after a slut..."

"Just because of a song..."

"Just because of an actress?" **he countered**

"It's kinda exotic... and I don't want a name like any other for our daughter. And... Just think about it... Roxy... that's really sweet... I mean... we would only call her Roxanne when we're like mad at her or something"

"We would... but what about the teachers?"

"My teachers never called me Prudence either... c'mon..."

"no..." **he said, sounding just as determined as I was on naming our daughter Roxanne, just that he had the contrary opinion.**

"You do realize that you're over voted, because... I do have all the work with this kid... I am the one getting fat... I'm the one being in pain for weeks and screaming for hours... I am the one who's gonna breastfeed her and I am gonna be the one to stay home to raise her, so I have way more vote in this than you do" **I argued, getting a little away from him.**

"That's not fair..." **he called out, but I didn't let him finish whatever he wanted to say afterwards**

"That you had 30 minuets of fun and I am the one suffering under it? Ya, you're right! No fair!"

"You know fine well, that if I could I'd do..."

"But you can't" **I stopped him once more**

"But..."

"You're not changing my mind. It's Roxy, Andy..."

"Then... how about... we make a list and ask everyone important to us. Roxy is starting out with two points Catherine with one... the rest family and friends can decide... a fair competition..."

"Okay" **I grinned again, not telling him, I kinda knew already how this was gonna end. **

**It's funny that the fact, Brian voted for Roxanne made the final decision. Or not that funny, as Brian had seen my face the first time I read the name out loud. He knew I really had kind of fallen in love with that name. Andy just quipped to all of that, that he was going to name the next kid... and that I wouldn't get a say in it then. I just agreed, knowing, that if I really seriously hated a name, Andy wouldn't choose it after all.**

**The night the decision was final, we lay together in bed and Andy had just finished of his evening ceremony of bonding with his daughter – he every evening uncovered my stomach. Kissed and caressed it while talking to it – as I finally told him, why I kinda insisted on the name**

"You know what? I gotta tell you something..."

"You do? What is it? Something wrong with... Roxy?" **he asked... adding the name only reluctantly, but in a certain worry after all**

"No... No, she's fine... I think..." **I told him, not really sure. I wasn't at a doctor for a while, but the low kicks and punches I felt every now and then, made me believe, she was alright**

"I... I had a dream the other night... when Brian was over... it was like... I brought a little girl to bed..." **I told him smiling a little, as I remembered every tiny detail of the little girl's features. Her slanted blue eyes that are like two chunks of lapis lazuli. Her fine, curly, night-black hair. The soft, almost silky, skin.**

"She asked me to tell her a story... and I asked her what she wanted to hear... and she said she wanted to hear the story of her name. And I told her that you and I were fighting over Roxanne or Catherine... and that we made a competition... and that uncle Brian was the final vote to Roxanne... and she just smiled happily, telling me, she was glad, cause there were two other Catherines in her class, and she really found that very confusing."

"So that's why you agreed on asking everyone"

"I think I also could have lived with Catherine... so... it didn't really matter...but it's funny I knew you'd say Catherine before you did..."

"Ya... weird" **Andy just said and then kinda went silent. As if he was thinking about something. Later, I got to know, he immediately connected the dots between this dream and the dream I had about me, the killer and his victim. He already back then somewhat had realized that this was some kind of power of mine. I on the contrary, just thought of it as a weird coincidence. Especially cause I yet had to get to know, that other dream wasn't so much of a dream either. **

"You okay?"

"Ya... sure. I'm just... tired I guess..." **I nodded and pecked him**

"Night"

"Sweet dreams, baby" **he told me, kissed me once more deeply, before we both got comfortable positions to sleep.**

**--------------------**

**AN:  
**a little calm before the storm ;) hope you liked and enjoyed the peace. It's gonna change drastically in the next few chapters!! Leave me a few words, please?


	8. Late Autumn 2002 Part 8

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 08:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 8**

**--------------------**

"Trudeau, there's someone for you" one of the officers called out to Andy

"Send them in" Andy called back, continuing what he was doing

"Hey" Andy looked up, his suspicions being confirmed

"What can I do for you Patty?"

"Can we talk?"

"What about?"

"I think you know..."

"Patty... this is actually not really my business. I'm there for Prue cause she needs me and because I love her, but I don't have an opinion in any of this. I'm not on her side or on yours. I just want my wife and daughter to be alright, okay?"

"I don't want anything else. But... I need to talk to her"

"Then why don't you?"

"Because she won't see me"

"And what's that got to do with me?"

"Andy... could you please stop playing dumb cop with me?"

"Patty, I already told you. I'm not in this. If Prue doesn't want to see you, I can't make her."

"But you could arrange a meeting..."

"Patty..." Andy sighed and Patty sat down on the empty chair in his office

"Listen. I know Prue suffers under this..."

"Where from?"

"None of your business. I just know, okay? I am suffering under the circumstances as well and I feel like only I and her can stop that. I need to talk to her Andy. I can't loose her again. I won't let that happen. I can't let it happen."

"I know all of that, Patty. I talked to her about talking to you, because I think it would help her, too, but... she's..." Andy shook his head "if I'd do that it probably would be worse than me having an affair for her. It'd be betrayal. I can't do it"

"And what if she finally can move on?"

"Tomorrow. 3pm. Bring some cake" Andy said and then grabbed his jacket, leaving the office "I'm out earlier today!" he called


	9. Late Autumn 2002 Part 9

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 09:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 9**

**--------------------**

**Andy had come home, while Brian was still there and we were playing monopoly. He was in a weird mood. On the one hand a little too hyper. On the other he sometimes seemed pretty down. And sometimes, I had the feeling, he was with his thoughts somewhere completely else. **

**He said, he had taken off to spend some time with me. Go baby shopping and out for lunch tomorrow. I couldn't help but feel that he was up to something. Something I definitely didn't like and so I easily got very moody. And that I was the whole evening and also the next morning while getting ready to hit the road for baby-room shopping. **

**I could tell how he more and more tried to calm himself down and not freak out at anything I said or did. I have to admit, thinking back on it, it's kinda funny. Like some pieces of a soap opera or something. It all already started when he woke me. **

**He had already showered and now leaned down to me to kiss me. But I wasn't woken by him kissing or touching me. Not by any sounds made or by the light which shone form the bathroom, no, I was woken up by the most disgusting smell I had ever smelled in my entire life: his shampoo! Before he had even the slightest chance to touch me I rolled away **

"Don't you dare get near me, mister"

"What? What did I do?"

"What did you do? I dunno what you did... but you better get that disgusting smell off of your hair or I swear to god I'll not spend one single second of this day closer than 5 feet away form you" **I watched how Andy tried to smell something but couldn't**

"What are you talking about?! It's my normal shampoo"

"I don't care! Get it to smell different. Now!!" **I watched him opening his mouth to protest, but then closed it again and bit his lip. He then left the room, and as I got to know later on, went downstairs and asked Julia if it was okay, if he used his father's shampoo and their bathroom for a few minutes.**

**I laid some more on my bed, before going to the bathroom myself. Once there I first had to open a window, finding that disgusting smell there as well. I showered and then tried to get myself halfway good looking. **

**What I immediately stopped when I caught a sigh of my body in the full body mirror in the bathroom. I looked at myself and then just started crying. Gosh, how proud had I always been about my figure. And especially my hair and now it looked to me like someone had burned it down or something. It looked absolutely awful in my opinion, though actually nothing changed. As Andy saw me, he immediately hugged me **

"Baby what's wrong?"

"What's wrong? Look at me! I have the body of a fat whale and my wonderful hair is ruined completely"

"Honey... you don't look like a whale. At all. And your hair is still as wonderful as it always had been"

"You have to say that now"

"No I don't"

"Well then finally stop lying to me!" **I told him and pushed him away from me and went through to the bedroom **

"Pr..."

**I heard him but then slammed the door in his face. I heard him curse and so yelled** "what was that?!" **and got an** "I hit my toe on something!" **in return. **

**Once dressed I went to the kitchen to breakfast. It actually smelled somewhat good and after fixing my chocolate croissant with some tuna and mustard I took a sip of my coffee. I immediately spit it into the mug again **

"What the hell is that?"

"Decaf"

"You're... you're giving me decaf?"

"Caffeine is bad for the baby"

"Nice try mister, hand me my coffee now"

"Prue..."

"Could you stop arguing with me already? I need my coffee..."

"Well too bad, cause you're not getting any of me"

"Don't make me make coffee on my own, Andy!" **I told him, lifting an eyebrow dangerously **

"Well, good luck, cause I gave all the real coffee to my mom and she won't give you real coffee either. Drink decaf or leave it"

"You're kidding me, right?!"

"Nope"

"You're kidding me..."

"No"

"You're kidding me?"

"No, Prue" **I glared at him and then went for the fridge, getting myself some milk and deciding not to talk to my husband that day anymore. I failed miserably, as I was sure as hell, I smelled smoke in his car, when we were driving to some baby shop**

"You smoked in here"

"What?"

"I smell smoke, Andy"

"Well maybe... I already smoked in here... other people for god's sake probably already smoked in here, as it is my corvette... which is more than 20 years old."

"Why don't you just admit you smoked recently in here?"

"Because I didn't!?!"

"Ya sure..." **I heard him sigh and looked at him** "what?"

"Nothing"

"You just sighed..."

"No I just... I let out a breath... I gotta breath, honey..."

"You think I'm a handful..."

"No I don't!" **he told me, as I clearly saw he did agree with me on the inside.** "Sooo what colour scheme is it going to be for the baby?" **he tried changing the subject and exactly there he had me. **

"Well I definitely don't want the baby pink stuff. Never ever! I want white furniture that for sure, the only question now is, if we want light colours or colours which are alive and powerful... if we want light colours I want something like lemon-chiffon coordinated with a pale-green and maybe some tiny bits of salmon... if we want it like screaming at you, what Roxy will probably want when she's older I'd say a deep-pink, combined with a soft yellow-green and a gold tone. A mix between lively and light would be if we paint the room in a deep-orange... and then have light supporting colours..."

"I don't get it... you said you didn't want pink for her, but the next second you say pink?"

"no I don't want that bright pink... that baby pink... that... pink all the mothers just neeed for their little princess... if I want pink I want it not like magenta pink... I want a red pink"

"Riiight"

"You don't know what I mean, right?"

"No idea... but you can show me" **he smirked looking at me**

**--------------------**

**AN:  
**Colours are like on that hp h t t p / w w w . cryer. co. uk / resources / javascript / h t m l 2 . h t m for all people who are not into colours (just remove all the spaces ;))

I Hope you enjoyed this, cause it's just the beginning of all the drama which is to come in the next few chapters. It won't be nice!

Write me up!


	10. Late Autumn 2002 Part 10

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 10:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 10**

**--------------------**

**Several hours, a lot of white furniture and a meal later, I fell onto the couch, feeling like I'd drop dead any second. Andy got all the stuff upstairs and placed everything in the corner our working space had been at and some handyman would soon install walls to create a little room. Andy walked around the wall and leaned onto it looking at me with a smile **

"Want something to drink?"

"Oooh ya!" **I told him smiling back. He leaned down and kissed my stomach before walking to the kitchen and getting something to drink, while I got rid of my jacket. He returned with two glasses with juice and let himself fall onto me**

"Ouch!! Andy!" **I laughed slightly, then he wriggled behind me and held me. I took a sip of my juice and smiled as he kissed me. **

"Want me to carry you to bed?"

"Please" **Andy laughed and climbed over me again to get up, he took my glass off me and then carried me to bed, where I immediately fell asleep.**

**/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/**

Andy was pacing impatiently along the living. Prue still was asleep and Patty was going to be around any second now and he just wasn't so sure about the 'plan' they had made up. Or better he had made up. He just wasn't sure how Prue'd react on seeing Patty. He honestly was kinda panicking, that maybe, there would be something affecting the baby this time and so, really wasn't so sure, if inviting Patty over had been such a good idea. But before he could pull out of it again, the doorbell rang

"Why am I doing this again? Holy Christ... just stand by my side" he mumbled running down the two pair of steps to get to the front door of his parent's house, opening it.

"Hey..."

"Hi Patty" he said stepping aside to let her in and then noticed Piper close behind her "hey Piper"

"Hi..."

"I think Abbey's in her room" Piper nodded and looked at her mom

"Go already... this is something I gotta do on my own" Piper sighed and hugged her mom before going upstairs "sooo where is she?"

"Upstairs... still taking a nap..."

"Ohh..."

"nono... I intend on it that way... come on" Andy said and started to lead Patty upstairs. He took her coat form her and hung it up on the wardrobe

"Over there's the bathroom..." he said pointing at the door and then at the office space

"ex-office, future baby" he said and then lead her further into the little apartment "kitchen and living" he pointed and then moved for the bedroom door "bedroom..." he explained and took the plate she had with her from Patty

"Sit down already... I'm just gonna make some tea... or you want coffee?"

"nah... tea's fine" Patty answered sitting down

"Good... cause I'm trying to get Prue to not drink coffee anymore"

"Hard task?"

"Kinda... belongs on how moody she is" he answered, laughing slightly

"Sounds like her hormones are already running loose"

"Some days are better some are worse..."

"How's today?"

"Worse, but... I think I got her into a better mood with shopping for baby stuff" he told her and then set the cattle on the stove and after adding some tea stuff into a big can

"Well I'm gonna go wake her now..." he said and took the plate he had set the pie and cake on and took it over to the living already. He placed it in front of Patty and then went inside the bedroom, closing the door and sitting down on the bed, starting to stroke her gently 

**/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/**

**I woke with Andy softly calling out my name and him stroking my face and back, as I was lying on my stomach. I opened my eyes a little, moaned, turned my head into the other direction and closed them again **

"c'mon... there's someone who wants to see you"

"Not interested" **I mumbled**

"Baby... pleases..." **I turned sleepily on my side, rubbing my eyes and looking at him**

"Brian?"

"Nope..."

"Who?"

"It's a surprise... now c'mon"

"Not before you tell me who's there." **I argued, having immediately a weird feeling about it. Andy closed his eyes and bit his lip, before sighing heavily. That didn't mean anything good and I looked at him, a slight panic rising in my chest **"Andy..."

"Why don't you see yourself?"

"Why are you not telling me?"

"You won't like it."

"Then tell me one reason I'm supposed to go out there"

"Because of the nightmares you've had?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" **I told him, sitting up and pulling away **

"Prue..."

"Who is it?!"

"Patty"

"No!"

"Prue please"

"No way!!"

"Stop acting like a kid"

"Stop acting like a kid? That's what you're saying after you betrayed me like that?! How could you get her here? Wait a second... you took off because of that? You went shopping with me because of that?"

"Prue..."

"Stop prueing me!!! Did you or didn't you?"

**Andy sighed **

"Ya. I did"

**I felt my head shaking as I got up of the bed, but immediately a huge dizzy spell hit me and I sat back down **

"Honey?!" **Andy asked in a panicking voice, rushing immediately over to me**

"Don't you dare touch me!" **I hissed, shrugging his hand off right away**

"I know you don't wanna talk to her, but I also know you're... suffering. You have nightmares... almost every night... you need to talk to her. You need those answers to go on with your life. I don't say go in there and say I love you, mommy. I'm not expecting anything like that of you. All I want you to do is, go out there and talk to her. Find the answers to all the questions you have and then decide whether you want your life to continue with or without her. It's your decision. But, please just talk to her. She's part of who you are and to understand who your are is important for you AND for Roxy, cause she's also a part of her. Just talk to her. Please"

**I didn't answer. There just was this huge conflict inside of me. One side knew Andy was right. That it was part of me getting over everything, but the other just denied this woman even existed. Andy sighed and kissed my temple **

"She's outside and if I have to I'll drink some eat and have some cake alone with her. But she's not gonna leave any time soon. It's your decision. I can't make you. Come out or stay in here. I'm not gonna be mad at you either way. I just want you to consider going out there and talking to her." **he told me and then left the bedroom and closed the door after him again. **

**I closed my eyes tightly and felt myself shaking a little. The mere thought of seeing her again, threw me into a panic attack. I didn't know if I could do it. Maybe I even wanted it myself, but I couldn't. I hid my face in my hands starting to cry. **

"What am I supposed to do?" **I asked looking at the ceiling. I reached down to my tummy** "what shall mommy do, huh?" **I sighed deeply.**

**I knew it wasn't a question. I knew I had already an answer for it. I knew, Andy was right. She was my past. Talking to her and getting the answers was something I needed. I forced myself to get up and went to the bathroom I washed my face and then looked at myself in the mirror **

"Don't cry, you hear me? You're not gonna cry out there! Don't you dare cry out there!!" **I starred for several more minutes into my reflection before moving back to the bedroom and to its door. My hand was shaking madly as I reached for the handle. Once I finally had my hand on it I felt like all strength was gone and I just couldn't push the handle down to get out. I felt like rolling up in a ball and crying my heart out**. **Maybe I should have.**

"Not crying" **I whispered instead to myself, took a big breath and pushed the door handle and with that the door sprung open**


	11. Late Autumn 2002 Part 11

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 11:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 11**

**--------------------**

"Prue" **I looked at Andy and his smile and smiled slightly back, as he got up and moved over to me and pecked me, placing his hands on my waist** "thank you, baby" **he whispered into my lips.**

**I smiled slightly and reached up to play with the cleavage of his shirt **

"Don't you dare leave me alone with HER" **I told him, looking into his eyes. Andy kissed me again and then moved one hand away from my waist**

"Come on... sit down" **he told me, walking me to the couch. I sat down and folded my legs under me, laying my hands in my lap**. "You want something, honey? Tea? Cake?"

"No, but, could you make me some hot chocolate?"

"sure, but I dunno if we still have marshmallows, since I think you had the rest of them last night in your salad with chicken pieces"

"I would have used jelly bears but we didn't have any anymore"

**I heard Patty let out a small laugh and I immediately shot her a glance. I remember how I back then thought what so freaking funny was and how I had loved to throw daggers at her. **

"Yeah well... you know pregnants and their cravings" **Andy added looking at her, smirking a little. I looked back at Andy, giving him one of my 'what the heck' glances** "oh c'mon honey... you have to admit you'd never eat that if you weren't pregnant"

"Weird that you say that, since that stuff is coming from YOUR daughter" **I told him. Andy cleared his throat and looked down. He had clearly gotten, I didn't want to discuss this right now and that I was kinda pissed with him anyway. **

"I better start making that chocolate"

"Andy!"

"Yup?"

"Can you keep the milk cold and just add chocolate powder?"

"Whatever you want..."

"... I got it" **I shot back. It was something like Marco and polo for us.**

"I'm right back" **Andy said, pecked me and then moved over to the kitchen. I watched him for several seconds before looking for a split second at HER, before looking down, but without catching her smile at me. I felt her looking at me**

"You really have a lot of your father" **I remember how under the surface I started cooking. Where else should I have had my appearance from if not from her or him? I wondered back then, why people started such nonsense conversations, when they didn't know what to say. Like when you're at the supermarket and meet someone and that someone is like 'hey are you shopping, too?'**

"People say so" **I answered dryly, not looking up, and then looked at Andy again. I wanted so badly for him to come back here. I didn't know what to talk to her. I didn't want to talk to her. She was my worst nightmare coming true. I simply wished she'd go away again. I felt insecure around her. Completely vulnerable.**

**She did have something weird on her, which I just couldn't put a finger on. At the same time she kinda attracted me, since all the stuff I always wanted to know where I got it from was in her. She was the key to all the little things that I was or looked like. She was part of me. Part of my baby... but... that for god's sake didn't mean I had to like her! **

**I hated her, more than anything. She had given me up. She had given all her rights away the second she had done that. She didn't even have a right to be in my flat right now anyway. I protectively wrapped my arms around my middle-section. Trying desperately to keep my temper back**.

"Victor ahs told me you're an architect. Did you decorate everything?"

**Dad did what? Excuse me? He talked to her! How could he?! How could anyone?! I remember how I had loved to jump up, get the phone and call him to yell at him, how he dared to talk to HER. And on top of that about me. I know this all probably sounds ridiculous, but believe me, when you're in such a tornado of feelings I had been in, this not at all is childish or ridiculous or whatever you wanna call it. It's just how you feel. Betrayed by everyone and everything. **

"Ya, she did. Some of her imaginations had to be cut short due to the budget or because no matter how long and hard you searched you couldn't find anything..."

**I only noticed that I had completely disappeared into my thoughts and hadn't answered Patty when Andy answered for me. He then sat down next to me, wrapped one arm around me and with the other handed me the mug with the cold hot chocolate **

"You okay?"

"Ya... sorry... I... I was thinking about something" **I kinda apologised. If I had replied it would have been a snap anyway, so maybe silence had been the better choice anyway **

"I really like what you did to the place"

"Thanks"

"The bedroom is the masterpiece though." **Andy told her, rubbing my belly a little. **

**I remember how I almost broke out into a fit of laughter with that... the connection of bedroom, masterpiece and him rubbing my stomach completely cracked me up and I almost spit out the chocolate I had in my mouth already. I immediately covered my mouth and swallowed then tried to get myself serious again. **

"What?" **Andy asked**

"Nothing" **I got out between chuckles.**

"Sooo how long have you two been living here?"

"Didn't dad tell you that, too?"

"Prue..."

"No seriously. What is this? If you're here to make small talk and spy on the years you missed, then go to dad as the two of you seem to still have a pretty damn good connection. I agreed talking to you for one reason and one reason only and that reason is to get answers. To know or better get to know why I am me, what my past is and where my roots are. That's it. if you think I'm gonna be all like... 'Oh I love you mommy... how could you just leave me?', then you're wrong. I don't want you in my life. I don't want you in my family's life and if it comes down to me, my baby never ever is going to see you. She already has two grandmothers, just like I have a mother."

"I understand that and I wouldn't have asked you about any of that. But I want you to understand what happened back then and maybe you decide in time whether you give me a little space in your life and maaaaybe even a tiny space in your heart"

"I wouldn't count on that. Not now. Not ever. You have no idea what I had to go through, just because you decided that you don't want me."

"Well... I know I can't make up to it and your father already mentioned something like that to me, but after all I'm still your mother."

**I remember how I let out a hysteric laugh and Andy tried to calm me down with some soft strokes from my ear down my neck, but I already was too far over the edge for these little tricks to work. She had gotten me to the point of no return kinda **

" you are not my freaking mother!!! You have lost every right to call yourself anything like that a long time ago!! Don't you dare ever say that again! I have a mother! And her name is definitely not Patricia!"

"25 hours of labour prove something different"

"And 25 years of ignorance do counter it!"

"Hey, hey, hey!" **Andy said, making me look at him. **"This is not the topic of discussion here" **he said looking from me to mom and back again.** "You guys are here to discuss how everything happened 25 years ago. For you to hear another side of the story and maybe tell Patty a bit of yourself." **He said looking at me and then glanced back at the other female being in the room **"and for you to let it all out, to know that Prue knows how you felt back then and maybe, get to know a bit of her life. So how about you calm down now and you start the story, as you know how everything started with Prue..." **at that I glanced mad at him** "... anyway. And maybe Prue after you're finished will tell you how the story continued. How about that?" **he asked again looking between me and Patty.**

**In any other situation I would have been so overly proud of him. It was like seeing Andy at work. How he talked to two fighting parties, how he tried to cool the situation down, how to solve it. But back then, I didn't have any space in my head for something like that. I was more like... hating his babbling. It seemed so fake to me. So unreal. So from a bad black and white movie.**

"Sure" **I heard her say and saw from the edge of my eyes how she nodded**

"Honey?" **I shook my head**

"I can't promise not to freak" **I answered**

"You don't know until you haven't tried" **Andy said and I rolled my eyes slightly, but nodded faintly** "Patty..."


	12. Late Autumn 2002 Part 12

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 12:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 12**

**--------------------**

**_Warning! This chapter contents self destructive behaviour!!! Anyone who's not interested in it, just skip the end of this chapter!!!_**

"Okay. Well. You know…" **Patty sighed.** "I don't even know where to start"

"When I met your father, I helped out in this fast food place. Buddies. He came in and I was right away head over heels. Your dad was very handsome. He didn't notice me at first, since he was there with some friends, which he joked about when he came in. as destiny had wanted it, I had to take their orders and that's when our eyes met. It was truly love at first sigh... or so I thought. His friends eventually left and he stayed, waiting for me to get off work. I had to clean up that day, and so he stayed while I did that and we started talking... the radio was turned on and..."

"You are so beautiful played" **I finished for her, rolling my eyes. I knew that. Dad had told me already a thousand times, how he had thought back then, that every word of that goddamn song said was describing my mother.**

"He told you about it..."

"Seems so"

"We danced to the song. It was so corny. And yet, it seemed perfect for two 16 year olds. We went out for about a month when it happened. I dunno what I was thinking back then,"

**I remember how I back then had smirked to myself while thinking, 'well I always knew you were dump...' **

"Since... your dad and I had barely talked. We always had made out. Every chance we got. The attraction was too strong and we just simply couldn't leave our hands off of one another" **she explained while it once more screamed in my head, if you had talked, dad had dumped you anyway. Right away. I didn't know what dad found so attracting in her anyway. She was neither good looking – in my eyes – nor very clever. Of course, that was coming from someone who hated the someone one's talking about to the guts. **

"Reminds me of us, huh?"

"No?"

"Right. But after our first time..."

"Andy, no! Okay?!" **I snapped at him looking for a split second at him. And it was like he was a kid, you yelled at for doing something and then it starts crying and running to its room. I actually felt sorry for the poor guy, as soon as he looked down. It sure as hell wasn't easy for him either. It wasn't his fault and yet, he actually had to stand me in the worst moods of my life. On the other hand it kinda was his fault we were in this situation.**

"Afterwards, the sensation slowly faded. We started to talk more and I guess we got more and more shocked by the other, learning stuff we never had expected. The romance was vanishing fast and we started fighting a lot. Also I didn't feel very well for obvious reasons and so I never was up to do much and I guess that was the absolute killer of our relationship."

"Ya more like your bitching at him" **I mumbled, looking down. I heard Andy sighed and looked back at him for another second. I didn't get how he could react on me like that but not on her. Today I could yell at myself for the way I behaved that day, but, back then I just wanted this over with and my so called mother out of my life again.**

"as I continued to not feel good after we broke up, I was more at home and so your grandmother..." **at that every muscle in my body tightened again and Andy immediately tried to relax me, gently stroking my arm to calm me down, before I would have another yelling fit at her**

"... soon noticed how I didn't feel that well. She insisted on me going to see a doctor. Well I did and found a week later out about you. I was devastated." **My eyes focused on her and I know that if simple glances could have killed, mom wouldn't be so much alive today anymore. **

"I mean... I was 16. We had barely money back then and I was alone. There also were a few other things going on, which... really don't matter that much, but only these facts made me panic. I couldn't be a single mother at the age of 16. To be honest, I didn't think about you back then. Since I didn't fully get back then, that I actually was responsible for another human being back then. I also so panicked about my mom's reaction. You see mother is... difficult at times and she'd been from the beginning against the relationship between me and your father. If I now told her, I had slept with him and was expecting a kid from him... I was sure she'd grill me" **she said and it just screamed 'I knew it in my head'. **

**I knew, she never cared for me. And I kinda knew, this was it. I just simply wanted to get away now. I didn't need to hear more. That was exactly what I always was afraid of. Realizing, that it was true. That she didn't care. Didn't want me. Didn't love me. Ever. **

"So why didn't you just go back to the doctor and were like, he I hate this kid. It messes with my life, so just get going so I can get rid of it. I mean... that would have been your solution to everything, huh? And like you said... you didn't care about me anyway"

"That is not true!"

"It's not?"

"No! I said I didn't get back then, the first day or two, that actually there was someone else I had was responsible for. I said no word about me not caring about you and if that's what you think, I'm sorry to disappoint you, missy! I had buried myself for two days in my room. And yes, I had called my doctor making an appointment to... get rid of what was so wrong in my opinion... but I obviously didn't go through with it. I couldn't. And when I got home, I talked to your grandmother and she was just as shocked. I told her how I just couldn't kill my baby, but also that I didn't know what to do about all of this. And so after a day or two, we came up with the idea of giving you up. It seemed like... it was THE solution, especially after I talked to some social worker. She said, it always was very easy to get a good, loving home for newborns. It sounded perfect." **She almost yelled, but then her voice grew softer and lower again**

"It would have been perfect, if I hadn't grown to love you every day more. When you kicked for the first time it was... it was such a miracle to me. Same is true for... seeing you for the first time on an ultra sound pic. I mean the one where you actually saw, that it was something human inside of you. I started picking names... and I more than once stopped at baby stuff shop to get something for you... but I never did. You have to understand, that as much as I loved you and as thrilled as I was there also always was this other side. This side of... wanting to give you everything the world contained and yet knowing, I never could. Not if I kept you. You would have been in so much danger. And I... I would have been more like a big sister than a mother. And I was so scared. Not only of giving you away, but also about keeping you. About what was going on with my body. About... I was just not ready to be responsible for you, sweetie. hell... I not even was responsible enough to use protection with your dad... how should I have been responsible for a new life? In the end... the negative was stronger. You have no idea how many pro and contra lists I made... trying to... figure out what was the 'right' thing to do, if there even was something like that. And each time giving you up came out of the results."

**By then mom had cried. I didn't look at her. But I heard it in her voice. I actually didn't care. With every word I hated her even more. I even hated her for snapping for air. And what was that sweetie crap? So much to... I don't ask you for anything. **

**I felt how Andy pulled away form me and looked at him, as he got up and grabbed for a pack of tissues, handing it to mom and I remembered how I almost freaked. He was supposed to be there for me. Not her. Me. she wasn't the victim in this. I was. I should be the one wailing right now, after everything she just said. **

"Thanks" **I heard a soft mumble, before Andy moved back up to me... he tried to hold me again, even wanted to pull me into some kind of hug, but I shrugged him off. I felt like he betrayed me. again!**

"I told your father about you when I was like in... 7th month. He slammed the door at my face back then. That shocked he had been."

"Sure" **I let out a random laugh, which I was just not able to suppress.**

"It's the truth. Like it or not. It is. Ask him. If he's that honest with you, he'll confirm it."

"What's that supposed to mean? That honest? Dad never lied to me. Ever. He never wanted to kill me... he never wanted to... give me up... he wanted me."

"Not at first"

**I shook my head and got up. **

"If you start trying to make dad look worse right now... then you better leave now"

"I'm not. But it's the truth, honey!"

"I'm not listening to that crap any longer!!" **I exclaimed. I didn't want to realize there could have been a time dad was just like her. I started to go for the bedroom again and just as I reached it, she started talking again **

"He called me a week later and asked if that was some sick joke. Then we met and he saw my stomach. He freaked again. He didn't know how to deal with all of this, just as much as I didn't. I told him I wanted to give you up and he was alright with it."

**I dunno what kept me in the room, but I by then was just like frozen standing at the door, holding the handle... my head leaned on the door as tears slowly made their way out of my eyes as I just shook my head. I tried telling myself that that was not true. That she just tried to break me and dad apart, but something told me, she was right. Something told me, she wouldn't lie to me, since what did she have to loose. **

"He stood in front of my house the day you were born. Telling me he wanted to take you. I thought he was making a bad joke or something. I thought he was... going crazy or something. He had agreed with me giving you up and then didn't speak a word to me anymore. For more than a month. and then there he suddenly stood. We had a huge fight that day, which ended with mom throwing him out of the house. Not even 5 minutes later my water broke. 25 hours later a scream echoed through the whole house."

**I still shook my head as these images again ran through my mind. I saw how grandma threw dad out. I saw how mom doubled over in pain. I saw how a smile crept over her pain filled face as she heard the small cries of me. **

"You have no ideas how amazing you were. I would have loved to... hold you and look at you for hours. But... your grandmother, saw my loving look and knew... the second I would have held you, I wouldn't be able to give you up, even if I knew in my head, that it was best. She knew, that my heart would have decided over my head every decision. She changed you into something ... some baby pink baby dress... then wrapped you in a blanket, where your name was stitched on. She had made it. And then she let me see you for a split of a second. The image of your face. The fine black hair on your head... your adoring blue eyes. Your tiny hands. Everything immediately burnt an image in my head. Mom then left me alone to give you up..."

"I never got to hold you. I screamed at her... pleaded her to let me hold you... but she was faster... and I to weak to hold up to her, leaving the house and driving off. I cried myself to sleep and when I woke up, she was sitting next to me. I hated her back then. I didn't speak a word with her I just simply cried. And when I calmed down I called your dad. Saying that he had a daughter. For a split second we had a daughter. You have to believe me, Prue. I never wanted this. I never could have done it. Not after seeing you. I did nothing but cry for about a week. That was when your grandmother and I had another fight and I realized, she had done it for me. And for you. I realized that it was the be..."

"Don't you dare say that it was the best now!!! You have no idea what pain this goddamn decision cost me!!! Because you 'decided' you couldn't do this and wouldn't let dad, when he offered it... I almost was raped!! I almost went nuts!! I was treated more than once like shit!!! I was handed from one family to another and for years I didn't even realize what love was... and I forgot it very quickly again, as the one who I thought, finally would be someone to take care of me... died... and I started to cut... to cripple myself... almost to death!!! Shut up!! And don't even dare to say you're sorry or that you didn't know... or that you... I don't care your sorry excuses!!! I don't care anything!! Okay?! Just like you didn't care back then... I don't care now!!! Just shut the hell up and get out of my so called life!!! Now! Get out! Get the hell out!!!" **I screamed at the top of my lungs and then went inside the bedroom and slammed the door... I crawled up in the 'rocking chair for several minutes**

"Patty I..."

"I didn't know that... I didn't want that... I..."

"She's hurt... she... she doesn't mean it that way... she's just... this is... very difficult for her..."

"And for me it isn't?" **I heard them say and that was when all this pain got overwhelming again... **

**I almost dragged myself to the bathroom, where I locked the doors. I let myself sink down the wall of the shower and slowly rocked myself back and forth... my eyes fixed, if you could even call the blurry vision I had, on Andy's razor. And there was this voice in my head again, I tried to fight so hard for years, which told me, just one tiny cut and everything will be over... the call grew stronger by the second until I couldn't resist it anymore. I darted for the razor and took the blade out... holding it to my wrist. My hands shaking. As the tiny reason I still had in my head still fought against that voice. Back then I knew, the resistance would break. It was just a matter of seconds...**

**-------------------- **

**AN:  
**i know that the site is screwed up right now and won't alert anyone about new chapters. since i don't know how long this will last, i just wanna inform you guys, that my updates will come every weekend. mostly some time Saturday.  
write me up ;)


	13. Late Autumn 2002 Part 13

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 13:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 13**

**--------------------**

Andy shook his head and sighed deeply. Then heard a door being shut and looked up

'She wouldn't, would she? No, she wouldn't have anything to do it anyway... she wouldn't. Never. But she almost did it last week. No! No, she wouldn't. That's ridiculous.' He argued with himself and then suddenly had this image in his head.

A shaking hand, a razor blade in the hand and... The wedding ring. He shook his head heavily but then looked at the bedroom door, a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach

"P... Patty... I'm... umm... right back, okay?" he choked out, going for the bedroom and finding it empty

"No... Nononono... no!" he mumbled lowly and then went over to the bathroom door, trying to open it, but failed. "Prue!!! Open the door! Prue!" the panic was evident in his voice, as he banged on the door 

**/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/**

**I was almost giving in when I suddenly heard Andy. I shrugged together and at that even hurt myself a little, as the blade already had been placed on my arm. At that I lost my focus completely. **

**It was just me and the blade and the blood. I still heard Andy, but it was like... he was far away. And with high speed moving further and further away. I wanted so badly to just do it... but every time I wanted to move the blade along my skin there was something that held me back. **

**I closed my eyes for several seconds, trying to clear everything out, but without any use. It was just one huge mess. Everything was. **

**/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/**

"Prue!!! Prue! c'mon, baby... open the goddamn door... please!" Andy still tried... and then got out of the bedroom, hurrying for the other bathroom door and like that earning Patty's attention. She looked confused at him and then got up, following him.

Andy moved up to the other door, praying a hundred and one times, that it was unlocked... but no such luck

"No... God damn it!! Prue!!! Open the door... I beg you! Remember what I told you?! Remember that I'll do it to me twice as much as you'll do it to you. Honey, please... open the door. Please don't do anything stupid. Please."

"What's going on?" Patty asked. Andy sighed and ran a hand through his short spiked hair.

"I screwed up... that's what's going on"

"What do you mean?"

"What do I mean? Patty, did you even listen to Prue before she left? She used to cut herself!!! And now she's locked herself in the bathroom! What the hell are you thinking is going on?!" he almost yelled at her

"Oh my god" Patty whispered lowly while Andy turned back to the door, still trying to get Prue to open the door. He knew, if he just could talk properly to her. If he could touch her... he could stop her form doing something. Not like this.

"May... maybe... I can help you..." Patty said lowly

"No offence, Patty, but... I think you did enough already."

"No. I mean it... I can get you in there... without Prue opening the door..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Sam!!!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Andy asked, but before he even could finish up his sentence a flurry of blue and white little lights started to dance right next to Patty. Andy went all pale, starring at the lights until they subsided and left a man standing there.

"What is it?"

"What...? How...?" Andy stuttered, starring at the couple in shock

"It doesn't matter right now. Sam... You gotta get Andy into the bathroom. Now"

Sam nodded and stepped towards Andy, who immediately backed a step away from him...

"If your suspicion is right, then you have no time for this... Andy please... just trust me."

Before Andy could answer, he felt a hand on his arm, and then felt a weird sensation, which was making him very fast very sick.

When he felt the hand moving from his arm he opened his eyes again and found himself in the bathroom. His first intuition was to dart for the toilette and throw up his guts, but then he heard heavy breathing. He turned around and saw his wife in a mess. Short, ragged breaths. Almost sobbing. Almost panting. The legs pulled up to her chest, her chin rested between them, starring down to her feet and instead of hugging her legs with both arms, they met where the blade connected to her arm.

He saw a little blood already spilling from a tiny wound and wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about it. If he was angry at her, for not being strong enough to resist and if not for herself then not even for him or their baby. Or if he just wanted to cry, as it felt to him like he had lost her completely now. He noticed how she was shaking, but then a somewhat irregular movement caught his eye.

"No! Prue don't!! 

**/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/**

**I heard Andy's voice cutting through to me and shrugged together, backing even more into the corner of the room. **

"Honey don't. You're stronger than that... c'mon... lay the blade away... give me the blade..."

"You don't know that. I don't even know it. So how shall you?" **I asked and then noticed the shadow Andy's figure was creating approaching me and shrugged even more back **"no! Don't!"

"I know it because I know you for very long already. Gimme the blade, baby, please..."

"It hurts so much..."

"I... I know... I know it does... but this is not the solution and you know that as well as I do. Prue give me the goddamn blade now!"** I heard Andy's voice and read all the panic and desperation in it. All the nervousness. I freaked him out. I felt it immediately **

"Why do you care? You finally could get rid of me... you deserve something so much better tha..."

"But I don't want someone else. You're the best. I want you Prue. No one else... now gimme the stupid blade before you do something we both know you'll regret. Please. If you don't do it for you... or me... then at least do it for Roxy. You ever thought about that? You're pregnant, Prue. If you're now starting to cut yourself again... she May won't make it. You ever thought about that?!"

**My view shifted from my arm down to my swollen belly and then my view lost focus, as tears started to roll down my cheeks and I started sobbing, shaking even more now. What happens next I don't remember properly anymore. Andy somehow approached and took the blade away from me. Then he hugged me tightly. I have no idea how long we sat in the bathroom. Me just crying my heart out and sometimes slightly hitting him, in a vain attempt to push him away. I didn't want him to see me like this. I knew he didn't want to see me like this. I mean I knew Andy was there. But there was something off. It was like he was there physically, but somehow it felt like he wasn't there for me fully. **

**What the real reason behind this major freak out was, I still don't know. It probably was a mix of everything. It seemed to me, like my whole world suddenly had been turned upside down. Dad one of the bad guys. Andy supporting her and with that, in some freaky way of my thinking, betraying me. And mom... mom told me the thing I never knew if I wanted to hear it or not. **

**She cared. I always wanted to believe she didn't, because the thought of her giving me away was less painful that way and at some point I started hating her because of that. But now, somehow, deep down I knew she said the truth. I knew she cared. I believed her when she said how overwhelmed she felt, when I was born. She wouldn't have been there right now, if she didn't care at all. She would have just gone on with her life. And yet. Still I didn't know what I rather have. Believing her or not. All these new ways of thinking were just simply overwhelming me. The whole little holy world I had created for myself had been crushed completely and I just simply felt like I suffocated under the broken pieces of it all. **

**And being buried in Andy's arms this time didn't make everything okay again. Not this time. This time it felt more like it was just adding to my misery. I don't know if that feeling was just something I had because of me thinking he betrayed me or because I felt, sensed that he was just holding me... because of me. Not because he wanted to. I felt how he badly wanted to go away. I can't explain that feeling and until today, I have no idea, how I could feel it. Or what exactly I felt. I can't define it. It was just there. And it made me feel even more uncomfortable than I already was.**


	14. Late Autumn 2002 Part 14

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 14:**  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 14**

**--------------------**

**The next morning came in my opinion pretty fast. Some when by night I had noticed, Andy was asleep. At least he didn't blink anymore and his eyes were closed. I wasn't sure if he really was asleep. He probably only pretended to do so, as he wanted to give me – and probably also himself – some space. **

**However I wasn't sure about him being asleep or not and so, not to wake him, – and also because I just couldn't stand this close body connection right now – I got up and sat down in the rocking chair. Then moved back to the bathroom, where I turned the heating up. Then I moved to sit on the broad window seat over it and starred outside. **

**I watched the day approach. The sun going up every single inch. Once it was fully bright outside, I didn't find it too interesting anymore and I moved away from the window seat to stare into the mirror. I didn't recognize the woman there. **

**I didn't recognize myself anymore. And that not because of lack of interest, but because I didn't know who I was anymore. Who was friend and who was foe? **

**Until then, all the scenes of yesterday had just repeated over and over again in my mind. Like a movie. I couldn't understand it. And back then I thought I'd probably never be able to. **

**I also couldn't forget the face of Andy last night. When I had somewhat calmed down and he had pulled away a little. Just clutching my hands in his. Of course my thoughts had been somewhere else last night but just looking my husband in the face got me worried. I didn't have to understand or be fully there to know, there was something wrong. Very wrong. **

**Of course there was something wrong. Andy had seen me almost cutting myself. He had... his face was so... emotionless. And yet I could read in his eyes, how disappointed he was. How shocked. I could tell from his tight embrace how scared he was of loosing me. I realized how I was aware of all of that, but didn't do anything last night. Didn't say anything. Because I knew and noticed all of these little details, but I hadn't dealt with it. Couldn't deal with it. **

**And there this nagging feeling was again. Could I really love? Did I love Andy? Did I love our child? I mean... I didn't love Roxy enough to want to survive for her last night. Did I ever show Andy really how much I loved him? Could I even love him? **

**I turned away form the mirror. I just couldn't stand the image of that... broke down woman. I glanced at the shower. I had wanted to shower all night. My eyes wandered over to some bag. I grabbed it and wildly threw everything I needed for the swimming hall into it, then went to the living and scrambled a lame excuse for Andy on a sheet of paper and then ran down to my car. **

**/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/**

**I finished another round on the swimming pool. Gasping fro air. My lung burning like hell. My arms and legs feeling like they'd fall of any second. I forced myself and my aching body to do another round. Halfway down I felt myself give into the pain and I let myself just float there. A swimming guard got me out. I assured him shakily I was okay, but he insisted on me seeing the nurse. I rebelled and eventually he went off, bugging someone else. **

**I got up and dragged myself over to some chair. I badly wanted to go back to the water. Swim again. My head cleared every time I dove into the cool water. It felt like everything was washed off me. Feeling and concentrating on my body and my body's reaction only. It was so easy to forget everything in these moments. I starred at the water. Longing to go back and have this feeling of security and safety back. But I knew I couldn't. My body didn't have the power to go back. I barely had gotten to the chair and I still was snapping for air. **

**I started to slowly take in my surrounding. There weren't too many people around. But then again, there were those few people who resembled everything I in some way was. **

**There was a couple feeding each other ice cream and I immediately felt my heart sting. **

**Andy. My thoughts wandered back to him. Did I love him? Could I even? I always thought I had finally learned how to be loved and love in return. After all, how they say in 'Moulin rouge' 'the greatest thing, you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.' **

**I had seen that movie with Andy. Back then, it seemed true for me. I knew there was nothing better than what Andy and I shared. But was that all just allusion? A sorry excuse I made up for myself to be happy? Could I really let myself fall when I was with him? Let go of everything? Trust him without any doubts? **

**Trust. I almost chuckled. What was trust? Could you even trust anyone? I sure as hell did. I trusted Andy. And he betrayed me. He brought her home. Where I felt the safest. He brought her into our little nest. Where we were already setting things for our kid. **

**And now, thinking about it all, I suddenly felt like I just couldn't live there anymore. It all was destroyed. This perfection I had felt when we moved in had slowly faded and was replaced by a feeling of comfort and safety. A place where I could spend a lifetime. A place where I wanted to settle. A place I wanted my kids to grow up. But now, it seemed like that all was gone. It felt used. It felt dirty. It felt almost dangerous. She knew where I lived. And I just couldn't stand the thought of that apartment being our home anymore. It suddenly didn't feel like that anymore. From one second to another I had lost my home and everything it stood for. Besides... who were Andy and I kidding? We never would have space for Roxy in our current living situation. Especially not, if we wanted more than just one kid. **

**I felt the need to search for a new place. Now. And so I got out of the swimming hall and showered, then drove for a close internet café. Sure I could have gone home, but, I knew I wasn't ready yet. I knew I couldn't deal with the people there, just simply because I hadn't dealt with all of it myself. **

**I was – am and always will be – a person who first has to deal with current events myself before thinking about anybody else. I usually can't even face the people I love before I dealt with things on my own. Andy had sometimes – well mostly – been an exception to that rule, but back then, he seemed like the biggest rock in my way. **

**When I got out of the building, I saw this set of twins walking past me. I stopped for several seconds and watched them somewhat lovingly. Painfully clear it came to my mind, that I had siblings. Sisters. And yet I knew deep down, I never could face them. I never could see Piper with the same eyes again. She and the other two had gotten everything, I would have had a right on as well. I had siblings, yes, but... it didn't feel like it. I didn't grow up with them. Could you really call it siblings? Is blood really everything? Besides... they were only half sisters. I shook my head heavily. Coming back to reality and noticing that the twins were long gone. **

**/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/**

**At the internet café I ordered a hot chocolate and then sat down on one of the computers. I immediately logged in and started to search for houses. Being an architect it wasn't too hard to find the 'right' homepages. I just was getting started and was looking at the first little house's pictures, when I found a picture where a guy was playing with a little kid. Father and kid. **

**Dad and I. was it true what she had said? Dad didn't want me? I was almost sure, he probably was shocked at first. Hell, everyone probably would be at the age of 16. But not everyone wanted to give their kid away or even worse kill it. **

**He always had said, he wanted to keep me. He offered to take me, if she didn't want me. But after what she had said, I wasn't so sure anymore. I knew, I just would have to call dad and ask him. I knew he wouldn't lie to me. I was sure of that. And yet I couldn't call him. **

**He had talked to her. About me. About... gosh. What had he told her? Suddenly it wasn't the same anymore. It suddenly felt like, when I moved away. Just that this time dad wasn't the one hurting, but I was. It was like... I was pulling more off of him. Wanted to get away form him in some way. Get the connection to get even 'looser' than it already was. **

**I was pulled out of my thoughts by the waiter, who stood next to me, wanting me to pay my hot chocolate. I excused myself and paid him with a forced smile on my face. Then went back to searching something without any success. It probably was less the lack of offers, but more the lack of attention I paid to the search. **

**Stepping out of the internet café a while later and on the way back to my car I noticed a kid's store and how women with bags got out of it. Mothers. That was another thing. Mothers. Who was my mother? Patty or Claire? I let myself fall into my car. Starring ahead of me. **

**Patty? I could deny it as much as I wanted it to. The fact was, she was my biological mother. No matter what I ever said. No matter if she ever had cared or not. And how upset she was last night, really had showed me, that somehow she cared. On the one hand it was what I always yearned for. A mother who cared. My mother to care for me. And yet I now had to realize it also was my worst nightmare. **

**For so many years I had worked hard to make myself believe that she didn't care and so why should I? It had started to hurt less. It had started to hurt not at all anymore, as I was growing older and didn't need a mommy to throw me a party ooor to buy me stuff anymore. But now. Now it hurt more than ever.**

**But then again... it all felt so fake. If she really had cared so much, then how come she never searched me? How come I had never before seen her? **

**And again I had this doubts with myself. If she cared so much about me, then what was so disgusting with me, that she at some point just didn't anymore? That she just had forgotten about me that easily. And even if I wanted to... could I ever see her as a mother? And if I did? What was Claire for me then? **

**Claire, ya, my mom. The mother I never had. Seriously. What was she? She wasn't just a friend... not someone I knew. She meant so much more to me. She was so much more to me. And yet, I didn't know how to behave towards her. What to feel for her. Not anymore. I wasn't sure if I ever could hug her again the way I used to in the last years. **

**I felt so sorry for Claire. Through all this mess she had gotten someone she had somewhat accepted as a daughter. As a child. I was somewhat a replacement for everything she had always wanted so much and never could have. And now, now that all seemed so perfect and she was even getting a grandma, now I saw Patty and the dots connected. Everything was taken from her again with one second. With one name. **

**And dad had talked to HER. He had betrayed Claire. He... it felt like he was going back to HER. **

**I wanted so bad to go and talk to Claire but on the other hand I just couldn't as I just didn't know what to do or say. **

**I couldn't face any of them. I had finally realized all the details and now searched somewhere to go to. Someone to talk to. Turn to. But I felt like I had no one to turn. Nowhere to go. Everything had been crushed. Not one of my relationship towards any human being in my surrounding felt the same anymore. At least not the people I always considered to be the closest. To be my family. **

**Before I even noticed it, it was dark outside already again and I decided that I couldn't stay out forever. And so I drove 'home'. **

**Much, much later I heard a song from Rebecca Lavelle somewhere some when on the radio and I immediately knew what she was talking about. I don't think I ever could put it into better words than her. It'll always remind me on this particular day. Every single word touched my heart immediately. Watching myself here and now makes it even more obvious to me how much I was that person in that song. Looking at me... 'nothing in my eyes, empty and cold'. Nothing could describe it better. You don't know the song? Seriously? You want me to sing now? Okay...**

_He, he don't belong any more  
And he, he has no place any more  
It's dark and cold, it's cold so cold  
And he, he don't belong any more _

Nothing in his heart  
Nothing in his soul  
Nothing in his eyes, empty and cold  
Nothing left to stand for  
No-one left to hold  
Nothing in his hands anymore  
He don't belong any more

He, don't understand any more  
And he, he can't believe any more  
The truth, the lies, the pain when he trys  
He, can't understand anymore

Nothing in his heart  
Nothing in his soul  
Nothing in his eyes, empty and cold  
Nothing left to stand for  
No-one left to hold  
Nothing in his hands anymore   
He don't belong any more

No father no son  
No future no past  
No place on this land

No lover no wife  
No reason to fight  
No reason to stand

Nothing in his heart   
Nothing in his soul  
Nothing in his eyes, empty and cold   
Nothing left to stand for  
No-one left to hold  
Nothing in his hands anymore  
He don't belong any more


	15. Late Autumn 2002 Part 15

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 1**__**5:**__  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 15**

**--------------------**

As Andy heard the bathroom door close, his eyes immediately shot open. He stared at the 'rocking chair'. He knew from the sounds it made, Prue had been sitting in it before she left. Today, the picture he had of his wife had completely changed. With his inner eye he saw her sitting in that chair and he just wasn't sure what to think at the sigh anymore. she always was strong. She may not have known it, but she was. She was reasonable. Confident.

But seeing her before, all broken down on their bathroom floor, holding that razor blade... it changed everything. He always could have been the 'kid' in their relationship. He could let himself fall without any doubts Prue would catch him before he hit the ground. He always had been the 'temptation' and being that, trying desperately to get her to do all this crazy stuff or forget for just a few seconds a day, who they were, where they were and what they were – or weren't – supposed to do.

He knew all of this was over. He couldn't just let himself fall, because Prue wouldn't catch him. she was falling herself. And he this time had to catch her. He was pushed into a role, he never had learned to play. He was forced into something he wasn't and probably never could be. He knew immediately, he couldn't deal with it. They always had their roles. No one or nothing ever expected or wanted them to change that. They were a good match how they had been. They always worked perfectly. But what about now? he knew... this couldn't work out. He knew... heck, what did he really know at all?

Well, okay, he knew some things for sure. He knew Prue almost cut herself. He knew those lights were there. these... somewhat fascinating dancing blue lights. But honestly, what did he know about them? nothing! He didn't know what they had been. He didn't know what Sam had to do with it. He didn't know what Patty had to do with it. and even more important for him at this moment of time: what about his wife? His child? Were any of them into it as well or was it just Sam? And if it was Sam... what about Piper? What about Abby?

And if this... really was what he thought it was... something... unexplainable... something... paranormal... something... supernatural... something... magical? Then what about the images Prue was talking about? The images she had over and over in her mind. What about the dream where she heard him? Where this Berman guy died?

He always in some way believed there were supernatural things going on but knowing it and being in the middle of it. being married to someone... magical or whatever... having a kid like that... it was creepy. He sighed deeply and turned onto his back. He ran a hand through his short, messy hair. Then tried again to relax. He closed his eyes in a vain attempt of going to sleep, just to open them again a while later. There was just too much rummaging in his mind.

As his eyes fell open they met with the pictures on the wall. Two years ago, Prue and him had agreed on doing a couple photo shoot for Christmas. Pictures of the two of them hugging, kissing, playing with each other fully dressed and in underwear. The actually Christmas surprise for the both of them were in the end single pictures of the two of them. Andy got the shots of Prue and she the shots of him.

When they got the pictures of them together, Prue immediately ran off to a shop, getting frames to match their bedroom. She spent the rest of the day choosing pictures to hang up. Of the rest they had made a photo album. Starting with her pictures, then the pictures of them together and last but not least his. He smirked slightly to himself. Prue never had noticed the few which were missing. It were exactly two pictures missing. One of Prue, he had in his wallet. It was the most amazing picture he could think of. He simply loved that picture. The other was one of the two of them, which was placed on his desk in the office.

He sighed again. He got up and grabbed his pants and got his wallet out of it. He pulled the picture out and sat down on the edge of the bed looking down at it. Everything had been perfect. It would have been the complete paradise once their daughter was born, but now... now he had screwed it all. He heard steps in the bathroom and quickly glance dup at the door.

The footsteps quickly disappeared to what seemed to be the living or kitchen. His eyes followed her way. He heard how the steps changed. She wore shoes now. There was some more clicking of the shoes on the wooden floor which quickly faded away. Prue was gone. He knew it. she never could deal with things, when others were around. And even if she let him be part of her dealing, he was only there with her. She never talked to him about anything, before she hadn't worked it out on her own.

Right now, he wasn't sure whether he liked the fact that she was gone or not. He didn't know that for hours already. He felt like... one hand wanted to push her away... and yet the other wanted to pull her as close as possible. One side wanted to hold her. Wanted to watch her every move. Wanted to make sure she was alright. The other side just wanted to run. Not only because Prue somehow freaked him out right now, but also because he knew her. He knew she needed space.

And yet again, he never could have allowed himself to run. To be unreachable for her. And that for just one reason. Because he had promised her not to. He had told her all these years ago, he loved her no matter what. He had told her, he wanted her with her past, because he wanted her completely. He had told her. he would be the light at the end of the tunnel. And now, now that he had to prove all these empty words, act, like he said he would, now he just simply wasn't sure he could.

He pushed himself up and walked out of the bedroom. He found a note of Prue on the living room table.

"Need some space. Sorry. Prue." he mumbled and sighed again. he starred at it for a moment before walking to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. He opened it and took a big sip. He needed to talk to someone. He knew it. he needed someone to deal with this. he couldn't. he was just 'the kid'. He needed someone to tell him what the hell he was supposed to think and do in all of this.

With another sip still in his mouth he threw the bottle into the sink and went back to the bedroom. He grabbed a pair of blue jeans and pulled them on, then grabbed a black shirt, his keys and ceil. He slipped into his shoes and on his way down the stairs slipped into his shirt.

He was in Brian's loft in no time. he banged with all his might on the metal door. The door was locked, what usually meant, Brian wasn't home. But his car was standing downstairs and Andy just needed him to be home, and so he continued to hit the goddamn door, hoping against hope, Brian would be home after all

"Brian!! c'mon! let me in!" he yelled. Another minute of vain attempt of getting someone inside the loft to react later, he finally slid down the cold metal door and grabbed his ceil, calling who seemed to be unreachable.

Brian laid in his bed as he heard the banging, but seeing as he hadn't slept practically at all yet, he tried to ignore it. whoever was on the door would at some point just piss of. He just had to ignore it long enough. He smirked a little as the noise finally stopped. And immediately fell back asleep, just to be woken a minute later by his ceil again

"Gosh Brian, could you finally make it stop?!" the guy next to him mumbled sleepily

"It'll stop..." Brian answered, but he never had been more wrong. He had gotten sick of the – at this point of the day – very annoying sound of his ceil in no time and so after minutes he finally pushed himself up on the bed, trying to search his ceil.

"God damn it Brian! I'm trying to sleep!"

"So was I!" Brian hissed back and finally slipped his ceil out of the jeans he had been wearing last night "hello?" he asked, flipping said item open

"Where are you?"

"Andy?!"

"I need to talk to you, man, or else I think I'm gonna drive completely crazy"

"Ya, tell me about it..." Brian mumbled to himself, then sighed "gimme a minute" he finally answered and hung up. "damn it!" Brian cursed as soon as he had shut his ceil again, then collected the clothes lying on the floor and went over to his bedroom again. He tossed a pair of jeans onto the blonde stranger in the bed

"Justin. Justin, get up, okay? You need to get dressed. You need to get outta here. Now." he said as he got a pair of trainers out of his closet and dumped the clothes of last night into the laundry

"What?!"

"You heard me. You need to leave. Now." Brian told him somewhat calmly, as he pulled the trainers up. "I mean it Justin" he said again, before moving to the door and unlocking it. he pulled energetic on it what got Andy to fall back and hit the ground not really softly. Brian looked at his friend for several moments before shaking his head

"Have you looked into a mirror lately?"

"Funny!"

"Not really... ever heard of... sleep ooor... water?!"

"I had an awful day and night behind me... so could you please just shut up?!" Andy quipped, getting up, while the blonde stranger pushed passed him

"Who's that?"

"Just some friend. His parents kicked him out. I let him sleep here while he searches for something to live." Brian said somewhat moody, as he retreated into his loft "coffee?" Brian called over to the still opened door, stepping to the machine.

"I'm not here to drink coffee, Brian"

"Then why are you here at all?"

"What the hell's wrong with you?"

"Well... someone was banging on my door about an hour after I went to sleep... sooo you got three guesses"

"Right sorry..." Andy told him and started to go back to the door, he hadn't closed yet, as he had only stepped into the room to get to know why his friend was so moody

"Andy, wait. I'm sorry. What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure..."

"What do you mean you're not sure? You're throwing me out of bed at 7 in the morning because you're not sure? And finally close the freaking door" Andy sighed and did what he was told and then went over to Brian, who still stood in the kitchen, making himself some coffee to properly wake up,

"Have you ever... lived something... you don't understand?" Andy finally asked and got a very goofy view of Brian

"Sure I have. And you know why I'm so sure... because I'm not understanding this here right now..."

"Gosh, Brian if you want me to leave I am..."

"Well Andy... what do you want me to tell you?! You come here and babble stuff onto me... just spill it!"

"I meant things... you think only happens in the movies... or some TV-series or something"

"You still haven't spoken one word I slightly could think of as a lead to where you're going..."

"Teleporting... mind sharing... supernatural... whatever..."

"Okay, man, are you okay... I mean... seriously... are you feeling okay? Have you taken something?"

"Stop it already! I mean it, Brian!" Andy yelled

"Oookay. Well. How about you sit down and then... start at the beginning to explain what exactly is going on here, cause right now..." Brian told him, while moving with a mug of coffee over to his couch and sitting down.

"It's a long story..." Andy threw in, only following a few steps

"Well I didn't plan on getting up anytime before 11... so you got about 4 hours. Aaaand, seriously, I wanna know the story, cause right now, I'm afraid you're right with the whole... going mad thing and I'd suggest some psychological help..." Andy sighed and finally moved over to the couch as well to sit down opposite of Brian.

"A few days ago, Patty was at the station, asking me to arrange a meeting between her and Prue. It was yesterday."

"That why you came home and acted all weird two days ago?"

"I knew it was wrong, but... I didn't think, Prue could get any worse..."

"She did? Seriously? Is... Is she... she okay?"

"No. I don't think she is. She almost cut herself, Brian"

"She didn't?!"

"Yeah, she did."

"Oh my god. Andy... you should probably..."

"She wants to be alone. She left the apartment. I have no idea where she is right now."

"What happened?"

"I dunno... Patty... explained everything and Prue... she at some point just freaked. It was too much for her. She yelled at Patty mad then went back to our bedroom. And then... something... completely weird happened... one crazy... unbelievable thing after the other. You know... I can't describe it. I mean... I heard footsteps and a door closing, but... I also could see it. Even though I didn't, you know?"

"No. you're confusing me to be honest"

"I suddenly... you know... I had these pictures in my head. A shaking hand. The razor blade. Her wedding ring. I suddenly knew what Prue was talking about, when she said that when she saw Patty she heard this baby crying and saw Patty and Victor making out and Patty crying and screaming. Things I actually couldn't see, couldn't know, couldn't remember... were in my head! And I knew I had to get to Prue..."

"But... how?"

"I dunno. But I did, Brian. It was there. I felt it. It freaks me out and all, but it happened."

Brian swallowed and shook his head

"I need a drink" he exclaimed and got up to get himself some vodka.

"It's not all, Brian." Andy stated, somewhat coldly and Brian froze immediately dead in his tracks

"The doors were locked... and I... I started to panic... I mean... the woman I love more than anything on this world... was... in danger and I couldn't do anything... my wife was going to kill herself... I knew it... and I just stood there... not able to do a thing! And then... Patty asked me what was going on. I told her about my suspicion and she said, she could help me. then she suddenly called for her husband and I seriously thought she had gone crazy now, but then... then there were those... bluish... light balls... dancing next to her and... They... they turned into the husband! They turned into... Brian... imagine that... out of nothing materializes a guy like right next to you!"

Brian at some point continued to make his drink, but as Andy stopped he looked over to him

"Wha... what?! Andy... seriously now... if this is something like hidden camera, the joke really was great, but you better stop kidding now, before I'm getting a heart attack"

"It's no joke, Brian. It happened. I saw it with my own eyes." Andy said and the two friends starred each other for very long very deep into one another's eyes. Brian immediately reading, that his friend was serious.

"Patty said, she'd help me and then all I remember are those lights, that guy, a hand on my arm, feeling very sick and suddenly appearing inside the bathroom. A room whose doors were locked."

Brian grabbed for the glass with vodka and poured it down his throat at once. Then poured another one.

"Want one too?"

"You kidding? You were only told about it. I was there!"

Brian poured another glass and went back to the couch, handing Andy the other glass. They sat there in silence for several minutes

"What's all of this supposed to mean?"

"I have no idea..." 

**--------------------**

**AN:  
**sorry for the long waits on the last few chapters. I'm pretty busy lately and have nothing written so far... so it always is taking me a little longer to update... sorry guys! I think things are going to calm down now slowly again and so I'll be able to update more often...

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Write me up...


	16. Late Autumn 2002 Part 16

_**Charmed... the other way around ::: The Drama Chapter 1**__**6:**__  
_**Late Autumn 2002 Part 16**

**--------------------**

**When I got back to Andy and my space it was all dark. I thought Andy was out but then noticed his keys on the kitchen counter and his jacket laid on the couch. I went to the bedroom and was just about to turn on the light when I noticed Andy's still form in the bed. As silently as possible I changed for bed and then slid under the covers. My head was still too full of emotions to go to sleep. I knew deep down, Andy wasn't asleep either. Not at this time. Not in this position. Not without knowing the baby and I were safely at home.**

**I heard his breathing. Andy never 'breathed' while sleeping. He lightly snored away. Mostly directly into my ear. I smiled. The first time it was something which had kept me up all night. Now, I barely could fall asleep without it.**

**I knew I needed to talk to him and now was just as good as any time. Especially since this would probably turn into our second night in a row without sleep if we didn't talk. He wouldn't start. I knew that. He knew I needed space and he always respected that. No matter if he had to wait an hour, a day or even weeks to be back in his arms, he waited. He waited for me to come to him **

"You're not sleeping, right?" **I asked into the silence of the room. The two of us still facing away form each other. I didn't get an answer.**

**But I did get a response. I heard him sighing, and then felt the bed moving. I waited – expected – to feel his arms around me any second and braced myself for it. It'd be another emotional breakdown. I knew it. But nothing happened. I swallowed the huge lump in my throat away and at the same time tears sprung to my eyes **

"Just hold me... please" **I begged in a barely audible voice. A second later, I finally felt this familiar feeling of his arms around me. Of being secure, protected, at home. Simply where I was supposed to be. Back then. Now. Forever.**

**The time seemed to flow as neither of us spoke a word. Neither of us moved. No sounds. Just the soft 'boom boom' I heard of his heart and our breathing. There were lots of things which had to be spoken out – not discussed, not questioned, simply spoken out – but I guess neither of us knew where to start **

"I'm sorry" **I whispered eventually**

"You didn't mean for it to happen"

"I simply freaked"

"I want you to see your psychiatrist. At least once"

**There was silence for a few minutes. There was nothing to discuss. There simply were statements, facts. Facts which were going to be made reality, no matter how much either of us hated it or wanted to deny it**

"I don't want her in my life. Not her and no one else in her family"

"Abby and Piper are friends"

"I can't deal with Piper"

**Silence again**

"Brian will come by tomorrow, checking you up"

**More silence **

"Your dad called"

**Silence **

"I dunno how to deal with Claire"

"You're gonna be okay"

"WE are going to be okay"

"Let's go to sleep" **Andy answered lowly after another few good minutes of silence and then his embrace grew tighter and I felt him snuggling into my neck and hair. I closed my eyes as well, took his hands and placed them on my stomach. I tried to sleep, but there was just something I needed to know**

"Prue" / "Andy"

**I smiled. It seemed like he felt the same. **

"You go first..." **I smirked slightly, hearing his voice echo with mine. I let go of his hands and turned around. Finally facing one another. I starred into his eyes and he into mine. It was like a gate to our souls**

"Are you okay? Tell me you're not gonna try it again" **he finally said in a calm voice**

"I dunno if I'm okay. But... today showed me, I'm not that person anymore. I don't think I could do it again. Ever."

**Andy's lips darted lightly forward forming a kissing mouth and with that softly brushing his lisp against mine. He then looked at me again. Waiting for what I would say**

"Did I ever show you, that I love you? Really love you?"

"You married me..."

"I need to know that, Andy. I need to know if I... if I can love and if the people I love know it. I have to know..."

"I know it." **he stopped me** "and you just being with me and marrying me... and carrying our child is enough proof to me already. But you show me. No one might notice - probably not even you - but you do."

**This time I reached out for him and pecked him several times. Then turned around again and snuggled into him.**

**I closed my eyes and felt him softly kissing my neck and shoulder several times. His hands lightly stroking my stomach. Our daughter. I felt tears slipping out from under my closed eyelids. **

**I realized that second I didn't have to know who I was, cause just being with Andy and having our child around, made me SOMEONE. Maybe not the most perfect SOMEONE there is but I was SOMEONE. And that - for me. Is the most precious feeling and knowledge there is. That and the feeling of being truly and deeply loved by another SOMEONE**


	17. Goodbye

-1Hey everyone.

I dunno what happened to me in the past year, but too much has changed for me to continue on.

At first it just felt like, I had a writer's block, what wasn't something out of the ordinary. I had them permanently. Not like huge once. More like, having ideas, but not being able to find the right words to write them down in.

Time flew by kinda quickly and really I started to realize, that my passion for charmed, for this story, for my life on has gone lost.

Unfortunately.

It seems to me that I have grown up. Maybe even grown out of this here. I continued on to read stories still for a while, but it just doesn't feel the same anymore.

A year ago, when I read and wrote, I could get lost in it. Without any problems. Today it feels like I'm forcing myself to do so.

I still write, yes. But I'm not anymore dreaming about a life I'll never have. Because, as much as we all do try to come near reality with our stories, it's never going to be real. You'll never know the feeling of a kiss, of true love, of a friend being there at the exact right moment, of someone leaving your life forever, through a story. You can't let others tell you how it feels, how it has to feel, because it always feels different. Every person is different. No one can tell you how to feel about something. You have to feel it on your own. No matter if it's passion, pain, happiness or sadness. That's what makes it real.

Someone told me a while ago: you have to have lived to be able to write. With me it seems like it's exactly the opposite. Now that I can finally live it, I don't find words to describe things anymore.

I have discovered in the past year that you have to live your dream and not dream your life. Every day is precious. And the time you spend with people even more so. I have arrived in the reality after a long journey and as much as I miss the times, where I had the strings in my hand and let things happen as I wanted them to be, it also is nice to let yourself just fall back and let others steer for you.

I had a great time here, cried and laughed with a lot of your guys' stories, too. But, I guess the old saying is right 'go at your best'.

I dunno, if this story was at its best. But I truly felt like it was my masterpiece. A lot of you guys already told me, it's so sad, I didn't update anymore, because right now it goes down to the point you guys have been waiting for and I have been working for so hard. I'm sorry to tell you, that you'll never get to know what my sick mind had still in the backhand.

But as a tiny gesture of saying how sorry I feel right now to break that news to you guys, I wanted to share with you the next and very last chapter of charmed… the other way around.

This chapter has been written way before I started to write on this story. It actually is the first chapter I've ever wrote of it. It's ironic, that the very last chapter of this story is actually the beginning of it. Technically it's weird to close my history on with it, as it feels like I have made my goodbye already more than a year ago.

But, I guess I have babbled enough now… all left for me to do is say thanks for all those who always stood by my side through all those years I have been on here. I never can describe what you gave me, when I was down on my knees. I hope you guys enjoy this last chapter and find in it the answers you have been waiting for.

Take care, all of you!

Kisses  
Yours  
PrueTrudeau aka Nic


	18. Summer 2006 Part xx

"**It's not the end yet, sweetie" I hear her say and then everything goes bright. I don't know how something can go bright. I never saw or lived something like this. For several minutes I bath in that light. It engulfs me, warmly, holds me. I want to stay, yet, there is something telling me to open my eyes. **

"**It's not the end" I hear her voice calling out to me again. This time it is coming from far away and I notice how I'm slipping away. Away from her. The brightness dims and suddenly I hear a voice**

"... Roxy is getting bigger every day. You should see her. She misses you a lot. She just doesn't understand why she can see you and yet you don't talk to her. Don't hold her. Don't play with her. You gotta wake honey. I dunno how to explain it to her if you don't make it. I dunno how to care for her myself... I... need you, Prue..."

'_**What am I supposed to make? What's wrong? Wait... is Andy crying there?'**_** I ask myself and try to get my eyes to open but they won't. I try to speak, but I just can't get my lips to part either. **_**'What's wrong?'**_** I ask myself desperately. **

**I feel him holding my hand. **_**'It's the least I can do'**_** I tell myself and try to squeeze his hand. Even if it's just a little. I hear him gasping**

"Prue?! Prue can you hear me?!" **he almost yells. My head hurts. It hurts even more when he yells at me like that. **

'_**Naturally I can! Andy! I can't... arg damn it... why don't you hear me?! what's going on here?!' **_

"Prue you gotta wake up, okay? C'mon... you can do it... open your eyes... please..." **there again is this desperation in his voice, which freaks me out. I know it doesn't necessarily work but I fight hard to open my eyes. Finally I manage to get them a split open **

"Prue..." **Andy's voice this time shows relive. It's softer. Almost gentle. **"stay with me, okay? I'm calling a doctor..." **he rambles**

'_**Doctor? Why?'**_** I ask myself as I close my eyes again. It's making me sick. The light is so intense. And everything's spinning. I can't focus on anything. I feel his hands slipping from mine and I grip onto it more tightly. **

"It's okay... okay... I'm staying... it's okay" **he reassures me, as a hand falls into my hair, letting his hands run gently over my skin. I again force my eyes to open and this time I try to focus. Finally I find Andy's face above me and I even can focus on him. But it hurts too much to have them open. I close them again and again force myself to open them several seconds later **

"Heeey..." **Andy said smiling at me, when I finally get my eyes to open again. he leans towards me to kiss my forehead **

"what..." **I hear my own voice dieing out. It's so weak. So broken. So raspy. I close my eyes again and try to get what was wrong. Try to collect my voice. I slip my tongue over my lips in try to wet them, but there's nothing. **"wa... water" **I finally manage to mumbled **

"You want something to drink?" **I close my eyes and swallow dryly. Then move my head in a nodding motion. It hurts. I just don't get what's going on here. My head hurts so much. The room keeps spinning. I can't focus properly. What Andy says doesn't make any sense to me. I seem to be in the hospital, but why am I there? I wanna ask Andy. I have so many things running through my mind. I again hear footsteps and then feel something cool brush against my lips. **

"Here you go" **he says, moving a hand behind my head and lifting me lightly up to help me drink. I take two small sips and then try to pull back **

"Enough?" **I again force myself to nod. Gosh every inch of my body hurts. Andy lowers my head back down and puts the glass away, at least I guess so from hearing some soft clicking sound. I force my eyes open again. I look into his eyes. He looks worried **

"Do you... know what's wrong?" **he asks me after several minutes. I close my eyes again, trying to collect enough strength to shake my head. I hear him sighing and open my eyes again **

"You... were in a car accident. You almost didn't make it. You didn't wake from the anaesthesia. You were in a coma." **He tells me, his fingers running all over my face. I again close my eyes. I dunno why – well I guess now I do know why after all – I can't do two things at once. I never can collect enough energy to do two things at once**

"How... how long?" **I ask. My voice sounded so weak, even though I thought I was speaking confident**

"Almost two months" **he answered me.**

"Ro... Roxy"

"She's fine. My parents take care of her." **he reassures me** "what about you?" **he asks me gently. I open my eyes and look at him. I swallow and then answer lowly**

"Hurts" **He nods and kisses my head**

"I better call a doctor..." **he tells me. I shake my head**

"Alone..." **I tell him. He smiles and sits down on the bed with me. He reaches with his hands out and caresses my face**

"You have no idea how much you shocked us" **he whispers, as I see tears leaving his eyes. I never have seen him crying. And if he had been, it was just some water in his eyes or a single tear rolling down his cheek. Not like this. Not rivers of tears. I raise my hand and move it to his face, pushing the tears gently away **

"I'm here..."** I whisper**

"now you are..." **he tells me, his voice fading away **"I dunno what I had done without you... I... I already thought... you... you wouldn't make it... cause the doctor's said... the longer..."

"Don't"

**He immediately looks up at me. I am surprised myself at how strong my voice suddenly sounds. Andy smiles slightly and takes my hand from his face to hold it.**

"Okay... I'm okay..." **I tell him. He let out a laugh, which sounded completely unreal **

"Yeah... you are!" **he whispers and leans down to kiss me. I close my eyes and kiss him lowly back. I feel tears on my face. Knowing they're not mine but Andy's. **

"I love you" **he tells me softly, as he finally moves away. I smile at him and peck him once more, since he still was close enough to me.**

"I really... better get a doctor now... you... need to be checked up..." **he told me. **

**I can clearly see, he just can't bear to be with me right now. He probably hasn't realized I am back. He probably wants to calm down. He probably doesn't want me to see him crying. I smile slightly and nod. I realize I have to give him the space he needs, even though I don't really want to.**

**It felt like ages, the doc was asking me questions, explaining things to me, examined me. I only listen half-heartedly to his diagnostic bla bla. My thoughts are fixed on the things that happened while I was 'gone'. Kylie was there. Wherever 'there' was. We discussed about my whole life. I closed my eyes, trying to block everything out. **

**Two months of my life just had gone by without me. 2 months... last I remember it was May. That would make it July now. Oh god! I missed Roxy's birthday! My baby girl's third birthday. The first birthday she probably would remember. The first birthday she actually realized what birthday's actually are about and I wasn't there. **

**A voice pulls me out of my trance. I open my eyes and redirect my sense to the doc in front of me. **

"Misses Trudeau, can you hear me?"

"Ya... I'm... I'm sorry. I just... still... am... am trying to get everything. and... I just... can't or... better don't wanna listen to this medical crap right now. I'm sorry. Right now... I just... want my family here. I wanna know what happened in my life these weeks. Well... not my life obviously. I just don't really care about myself right now cause I'm felling... more or less... alright. "

"Well... I'm gonna check on you tomorrow again... you should rest some more"

"Don't get me wrong... but I think... I did that already enough those last... months"

"Your body is still drained..." **I sigh as he starts his rant again. I blend him out again and as I notice he finally has stopped just mumble an** "alright" **to him and smile bravely. **

**He left. Finally! I close my eyes again and wish this had never happened. What had never happened? I try to remember the last thing I could. I was on the way home from a meeting from my newest project. It had been late. I pulled over to the side to call home, to say night to Roxy. Talking to her was the last I remember. 2 months. 2 fucking months. **

**A shriek pulls me out of daydreaming. I open my eyes and find my little girl running into the room yelling out to me. I smile **

"Heeey" **I say, thrilled to see my baby.** "Come here..." **I say, trying to sit up while Roxy tries to climb the bed. Andy smiles and helps her. **

**I immediately pull her into my arms. I close my eyes and just hold her tightly. Despite the pain I am in, I still hold her tightly to myself. It feels like the best I ever felt. It feels strange and still, I want nothing more but to hold her forever **

"I missed you sooo much, mommy!!" **she cries into my chest**

"I'm sorry baby..." **I whisper, kissing the top of her head gently, as tears leave my eyes as well** "I'm so sorry" **I repeat.**

**I always had promised her, I'd never go away. And now I had. 2 months. 2 freaking months! And her birthday. **

"You don't go away again, right?" **she asks scared**

"No... No... Never again" **I tell her, sniffling** "you've gotten so big" **I say, stroking her hair. **

"Okay, sweetie... now c'mon... get off of mommy..." **Andy says, trying to pick Roxy from me**

"No Andy... it's okay... leave her here... please"

"Honey... you're..."

"Fine..." **I tell him and look begging at him. **

**Andy sighs **

"Okay..." **he nods** "hey... my mom's outside... can she..."

"Ya"

"I didn't even..."

"Andy..."

"Okay..." **he says and leaves for a second just to appear with his mom again**

"Hey..."

"Hey, how are ya feeling?"

"Okay... I guess" **I smile and look back down at Roxy.**

"It's late already..."

**Andy nods, seeing Roxy going into sleepy mode as well **

"Ya it is... but she insisted on coming"

**I nod and look down at her **

"Hey baby hugs... how about you and daddy and grandma go home again, huh?"

"Noooo" **she whines**

"Ya, you're right, sweetie, cause only grandma and you are going..." **Andy tells her.**

"And so does daddy..." **Julia adds, starting to fight with Andy. I immediately close my eyes and tried to block it out, since it does no good to my throbbing head. **

"Go with your mom. You look exhaust..."

"But..."

"No. Prue's awake. She's okay. And Rox really needs you." **Julia tells him** seriously

"Mother..." **Andy says kinda nerved as they start a starring contest.**

"What's going on here?"

"Daddy always sleeps here." **Roxy whispers **

"He does?"

"Ya... he always comes home from work and plays a little with me and then comes here... and goes back to work in the morning. He never really was happy while playing though"

"He wasn't?! Oooh I should yell at him for that, shouldn't I?"

**Roxy nods and I smile **

"Well, daddy... not playing properly with Roxy really isn't what I have expected of you. It's better you go now to your room. Buuut before you do that you read a story to Roxy and tuck her in." **I say in a fake meany voice**

"Noooo don't send me home" **Andy whines playing along, as Roxy giggles, knowing** **exactly, her parents were kidding. **

**I couldn't help laugh myself as the door swung open. **

"Prue!!"

"Daddy" **I cry. Andy knowingly takes Roxy from me and dad right away walks over to me and holds me tightly **

"Don't you dare scare me like this again!!"

"I second that... your dad can't have another hardtack" **Claire says smiling and I freeze**

"What?!" **I ask and push dad away **

"Small one... nothing to worry about" **he says and looks back at Claire, probably giving her some kind of warning look **

"She deserves to know" **Claire tells him**

"Yes I do... and if you or Andy hide more from me... I'm gonna kick your butts as soon as I'm out of here!" **I tell them, trying to push myself into a kind of sitting position, though I wince right away, as a heavy pain wave shoots through my body**

"Hey, hey, hey... stay down" **Claire says pushing me gently back into the pillow**.

"Mommy!" **Roxy yells and from the edge of my eye I see her struggling to get Andy to let her down. What she succeeds in eventually. she runs over to the bed and tries to get onto it again. I smile bravely**

"Hey, I'm fine..." **I tell her, as dad picks her up again**

"Nooo! Let me go! I wanna go back to mommy!" **she whines.**

**I exchange a look with dad and he immediately responds by handing Roxy back to me. **

"I'm fine... it's okay... I'm fine" **I tell her, rubbing circles on her back and playing with her hair. At last I gently peck her head** "shshs" **I reassure again, trying to calm her** **down. It slowly works. But something is very off right now. **

**Everyone like holds their breath, as if they expected something to happen, like Roxy was a ticking bomb. **

**After Roxy had calmed down I just continue to whisper gentle words to her, softly trail my fingers over her face, rub her back. she was fast asleep not long after. I smile to myself and kiss the top of her head gently **

"You better take her home" **I whisper to Andy. He nods and picks her up **"I'm gonna bring her to the car and then come back..."

"You look exhausted, honey... and I think you also are. Go home. Settle her and yourself in our bed and just catch some sleep. I'm fine... I'm a big girl, you know... I can handle myself..." **a small smirk plays on my lips.**

"I know" **he answers and leans down to kiss me** "I love you"

"I love you too" **I smile back** "now go..."

**Andy nods and kisses me again. I sigh deeply as he had left. I want so bad to go along. I close my eyes and pull myself together, letting my eyes run from one of the left overs of my visit to another **

"What was that all about?"

**I notice how they exchange glances, and then Claire sighs. **

"She's... having tantrums lately..."

"Excuse me?" **I hear myself ask**

"It's normal with three year olds, Prue" **Julia tells me gently**

"No... I mean it... what do you mean... tantrums? Roxy always was an angel..."

"She can go pretty mad, believe me..." **dad tells me**

"Whenever it's time to sleep or we say no to something, she's freaking."

"Especially when one of us went to you and we told her she can't come"

**I look at them confused. I saw there is more **

"what else?"** I ask **

"Jamie..."

"Jamie... who?"

"Her imaginary friend"

"What?"

"She's pulling back..."

**I close my eyes. I was gone two months and everything was screwed up... I open them again and look at them one after the other again **

"Is it true, what Roxy said about Andy?"

"Prue... now really isn't the ti..." **dad starts but was cut short by Claire**

"Ya..."

**at that dad again turns away from me. looking back at the two women in the room. I still try to comprehend everything. my head is just on overload right now. all these information.**

"Claire's right, Prue deserves to know..." **I hear Julia defend Claire as well**

"Prue only just woke... it's too much for her..."

"no!" **I almost yell this time myself, getting everyone's attention back at me. **

"sweetie..."

"don't sweetie me right now... I just have missed 2 months of my life... and I want to know what I have missed. This is important to me. I need to know what's going on with my family, dad..." **I look at dad intensely and he looks back, but sighs after just a little and looks down, giving into my plea.**

"so, if Andy was here and at work... he wasn't always gone right? I... I mean... he did spend some time with Roxy, didn't he?" **I continue... picking unconsciously questions which flood my head.**

"He tried. but... it mostly upset him even more, since she reminded him too much of you"

**My mouth opens and closes again without having said anything. I close my eyes again trying to deal with all of this. Repeatingly trying to comprehend it all **

"honey, are you okay?"** Claire asks softly, at what I just swallow and ask the next question, while my eyes slowly again opened to meet theirs**

"Is he... fired or something?"

"No, Richard talked to Andy's boss, explaining the situation to him..."

"And afterwards his boss called, telling Andy, he could take off whenever he thought it was necessary"

"My job?" **I continue to try to catch up**

"Your project was removed from you, but you're still have your job"

**I let out an almost hysterical laugh **

"I have designed every fucking inch of that house and they just take it away from me?! Are you kidding me?!" **I ask more than just a little upset**

"Honey, calm down" **Claire says gently**

"no, I'm not calming fucking down"

"Yes you are" **dad tells me locking eyes with me. I sigh. I guess I know exactly how Roxy comes to those tantrums they were talking about... **

"They didn't know when or if you were coming back... we all didn't know"

**I nod **

"Did... Roxy see me?"

"Not at your worst"

"Right... what exactly was my worst?"

**I see dad biting his lip and the other two looking down **

"what was my worst, dad?" **I ask him, looking seriously at him. he looks into my eyes and sighs **

"Prue ... don't do this to yourself... not yet..."

"what was my worst, daddy?" **I ask, this time tears sprung to my eyes. Dad's eyes dart up to meet mine and i notice, how he's fighting off his own**

"You were hooked to a machine to breath for a few days after getting into coma. They were afraid you couldn't handle it yourself."

**I take a deep breath, as Julia's voice died out in the room. She seems like the only one, still able to go on to face me with this technical crap. **

"You... one of your wounds got infected and... they closed you again. You had a very high fever." **Claire continues after clearing her throat**

"We thought you wouldn't make it. No one did" **dad adds.**

**The whole time I had my eyes fixed on dad, waiting for him to look back at me, but he didn't. not until he spoke again. I close my eyes again. the whole time I wanted dad to look at me and tell me what was wrong with me, but now that he actually did, I couldn't look back.. **_**'No wonder, dad had a heart attack!'**_

"Did they... remove anything?" **I ask, opening my eyes again and brushing the tears from them. Andy and me wanted a whole football team.** **Always did. Well he always did, I always, especially after Roxy, told him there were not gonna be more than 6 kids running around our house. Was that impossible now?**

"A kidney and your appendix... the rest they got to seam up again" **Julia tells me**

"They had to open your head once... since there was a clot in your head, putting pressure on your brain" **dad whispers tenderly.**

"They also thought you might not be able to walk anymore..."

"wa... wait... I'm a cripple?"** I ask **

"No... You reacted to their tests. But only barely. They think it'll take you a while to learn walking again"

**I let out a hysterical laugh. I wanna know this. But it's just too much **

"And... you let her see me?"

"We tried not to... then the tantrums started and they got worse every time..."

"If... Andy was with me or... at work... who cared for Roxy?" **I cut them short**

"Everyone... me, your dad, Julia, Richard, your mom, Sam, your sisters, abbey."

"You just handed her around?"

"It was the only possible way"

"I gotta get home" **I say and stubbornly force myself and my aching body into a sitting position **

"Prue!!" **dad almost yells at me and as he was the closest to me right now he holds me back and pushes me gently back on the bed** "you gotta rest!"

"I... gotta get my family back together... I mean... look how I messed up!! My child apparently is a spoiled brat... my husband an... exhaust wreck... and my father had a heart attack because of me!!"

"It's not your fault!"

**I let out a laugh **

"Sure!"

"Sweetie, you gotta rest"

"Gosh... I was gone for two months!!! I think I had enough rest for a life time!" **I almost yell. I am so frustrated. I just want things to go back to normal. **

"Prue, you gotta calm down... things aren't that bad..."

**I swallow **

"You don't know if Roxy hadn't developed those acting manners, if this all hadn't happened... and same is true with my heart!"

"Yeah right!!! I missed the first birthday, my daughter realized as a birthday and that naturally doesn't harm her in any way!!"

"I filmed everything, Prue" **dad tells me**

"And Andy promised her a big party for the both of you, as soon as you were okay again"

"That's not the same and you know it."

"Prue... I don't think she even realized any of us there. She kept running around, playing with everybody. I'm sure she's fine"

"She's having tantrums and imaginary friends!!" **I argue. I just don't get how they can be so calm about this**.

"Look... I'm the first one to take you home... as soon as you're half way alright again. But I'm not taking you anywhere after you only just woke a few hours ago... you were so close to death more than once over these two months. I'm not gambling with your life again!" **dad almost yells at me. And I just look at him**.

**I realize how scared he had been. How scared he is. And then I realize something else. Something which hadn't occurred to me yet. I was with Kylie. Kylie's dead. My eyes cloud as I my breath and heartbeat accelerate. I suddenly feel like suffocating **

"Oh my god" **I choke out.** **I must have gone pale or something, as everyone immediately crowds about me. Worriedly, asking me if I was okay and what was wrong. **

"I... I... where... where I was... it... it..." **I closed my eyes trying to focus.** "I... was at some... kinda... movie and... Kylie was there... we... actually... watched my... my life together." **I shake my head in shock**

"I... we... we talked about it. About everything. I... always... felt like... I needed to go. Like... I... like someone called for me but... I couldn't make it clear to myself. And I always pushed the feeling off. It... It was like... I was forced to... to stay and... watch... paralyzed by it. And... And then we... we watched Easter... this year and... Kylie turned to me, saying it... it wasn't the end and... suddenly there... there was this... bright... bright warm light... engulfing me and... I... I heard Andy's voice... I... I almost was dead... I... I was... almost there... I..." **I feel how my whole body starts to shake from the exhaustion. From the shock. From not getting the air I need so badly. I am just drained. This all simply is waay too much for me.**

"Hey, hey, hey... shshs" **dad whispers and kisses my forehead **"it doesn't matter anymore. You're back. You're okay." **He continues.** "c'mon, baby, calm down"

**He says, stroking through my hair.** "Shshshs... close your eyes... it's okay... just relax... it's okay..."

**He kisses my forehead tenderly and with that my eyes close almost automatically. This whole calming down... it was like I remember it happening once already. It's like some kind of déjà vu. I suddenly see my mom in front of my inner eye. she is so young. Barely a young woman. She's holding a baby, whispering almost the same words to it. She kisses the baby's forehead and runs her hands through the baby's fine dark hair. **_**"it's time Patty"**_** Grams voice sounds through my head. I realize what this is. This scene is the scene which happened just moments before mom had given me up. How can I remember this? How can I know about this? I was just a baby back then... just a baby...**

**And suddenly everything is gone. I am that baby again. though this time it's dad, almost holding me in his arms and whispering calming words into my ear while kissing me and letting his fingers run over my skin, I feel like back then. **

**Everything just had gone away... All those thoughts. All that pain. There was just this comfortable darkness and the soft voice of my dad. It doesn't take long until I feel myself drift into the comfort of sleep. I could deal with this later. I actually had a later. It wasn't the end.**


End file.
